June 30, 2008

For sale


Age 6

Pincher/biter. Only eats microwaveble ravioli, sugar, sugar-water and microwaveable-sugared raviolis.

Make us an offer
Jake and Diane 555-1622

June 27, 2008

For rent

Hotel room

Penny Lodge Inn
Located right off Exit 7. Carpet is brown. Perfect for standing in, showering and making phone calls.

$39.95 a night

June 26, 2008

For sale

Old newspapers

Qwernkr Ledger - July 8, 1988; March 14, 1997; December 1, 1983
Kaynesport Times - August 14, 2007; May 24, 2000
Murray Business Chronicle - April 20, 1999; September 7 and 8, 2004

All 8 for $25

Hurry, many interested
Chuck 555-9191


Age 4


Dana and Mitch 555-6636

June 23, 2008

Mug for sale


We've been through a lot together-4 or 5 Super Bowls; a couple New Years Eve parties. Can hold 44.7 ounces.

I want her to find a good home.

$1,540 or best offer

Bud 555-4447

June 22, 2008


Need an extra mailbox?

Joe Maglio 555-9995

June 21, 2008

For rent

One pair of sideburns


$10 for one hour
Donovan 555-7144

June 19, 2008

For sale


Roast Beef Monthly (July, 2004; August, 2004)
Thin Tie Wearer (March, 1988; July, 1988; November, 1989)
Shampoo (August, 1977)

$3 each

Paul 555-8102

June 17, 2008

For sale

Potato chip bag collection

* Over 200 available
* Perfect for that special someone in your life

Gwen 555-6118

June 15, 2008

For sale

1989 Nissan Sentra

Has lived through three economic depressions (personal). 300,000 or so miles. Garlic smell in the back is permanent.

Pete 555-9120

June 13, 2008

Friday classifieds


1994 Chevrolet Cavalier
373,000 miles
* Comes with a bag of melted Skittles (glove compartment).

Andy 555-1035

June 12, 2008

For sale

VHS movies

The Tattletale, Mr. Ripley
Welding Crashers
The 40-year old, Virgil

Make me an offer
Stanley 555-0998

June 10, 2008

Mountain Dew for sale

Two 16-ounce bottles of Mountain Dew

* Both autographed by former Montreal Expos pitcher Floyd Youmans

$4 for both (or $2.75 each)

Very popular items

Trent box 20020

June 9, 2008

Paymont University


"Now is the time for something"

With over 8,000 campuses nationwide, Paymont is a thinking-man's university. We fit into your schedule, literally, with The Traveling Professor program. And all Paymont students will catch "Falcin Feever" with our intercollegiate athletics programs.

But most importantly, Paymont has a whole closet full of determination. That's something you can't teach.

"When I first got here, I was like,
'what is that smell?' But I took some
classes and I met this cute guy, Steve.

-- Hillary Grunderson, Henrico, VA

"I graduated from Paymont with a degree
in Happleblonics; was at the top of my
class, was Valattatorial. But I went to
job interviews and people tell me they've
never heard of Paymont. I give them the
Falcin fight song, you know, I do the
Happy Squaker Dance, but it doesn't help
at all."

-- Pete Berns, Tampa, FL

* Payment options available: cash, money order, IOU.
* All courses available online at our web site.

June 8, 2008

For sale

Wheat squares

* 11 full squares
* Display paper towel also available for purchase

$1 each or all 11 for $10
Erin  555-2299 

June 7, 2008

For sale


* Four slices

$2 each or $7 for all four
Garrison 555-8870

June 6, 2008


Pittville Barons semi-pro basketball

1st practice: August 1, 11am

- Free throw shooting (blindfolded, wasp nest overhead)
- Scrimmage 7-on-4

Wadsworth Gym
Coach Ermit Denson [office] 555-8286

June 4, 2008

Child for sale

Age: 4

Curly red hair w/plenty of chocolate frosting.

Make us an offer
Deb and Marty 555-8871

June 1, 2008

The Plan, Part 2

Remember part 1 of the plan? Forget it. This is part 2.

(Now would be a good time to stock up on plan fuel).

Have you ever had a plan?

Want a plan?

Well, this is the plan for you.

We've been planning this for months; it's literally going to knock your socks off! Plan on it.

All you need to do is plan to send $75 to:

165 Orkshore Road
Planville, PL