April 25, 2014

Obituary

Bobby
June 1, 2008--April 25, 2014

April 24, 2014

April 23, 2014

For rent

Sneaker

* White
* Other sneaker not available until May 9th


$2/half hour
Dante 555-8810

April 22, 2014

Meetings




























Spring kickoff meeting
May 3, 7:00 p.m.

April 21, 2014

Meetings

Left To Right book club
April meeting

Books to discuss:

* Idiot's Guide to Mirrors
* Book of Goldfish Names: P-Z


April 26, 6:45 p.m. at Dwayne & Sharlene's condo

April 20, 2014

Announcements

Kaynesport Community Center Announcement Board

* Public gravel eatings

Maria Mejito - April 30
Brendan Giles - May 4
James & Nadine Kershaw - May 15
Ernie Paulsen - May 28

* Vigils

- Carton of orange juice: April 28, 5:30 p.m. at Yockcheeze Baptist Church
- Rain puddle: April 30, 1:00 p.m. at the corner of Harman Blvd. & 9th Street
- Melted ice cube: May 3, 3:30 p.m. at Ruth & Bernard Jamison's condo (450 Wintworthe Street, East Kaynesport)

* Nationally-televised chewings (only on WDERTV)

Maurice Black's toes: May 24, 7:00 p.m.
Gwen Ventura's hair: June 2, 8:00 p.m.

* Semi-pro pointing

June 1 - Falling rain (weather permitting)
July 22 - Dan Burkhalter
August 14 - Stop lights/yield signs
September 1 - Leaves

* Other upcoming events:

- Laundry detergent drinking contest: semifinals & finals - May 17
- Laughing/lightly-shoving Patricia Vincent - May 19-20


Info: Kaynesport Community Center  555-1187

April 19, 2014

Opportunities

I built a french bread boat and I'm going to sail around the world.

If interested in splitting sandwich meat/condiment costs, give me a call.


** Looking to sail away by June 22 **


Jeremy  555-3049

April 18, 2014

Wanted

I am need of one sock, preferably white.

Some holes are fine.


Tanya  555-4110

April 17, 2014

Meetings

The People Under Andrea Fleming's Stairs
Spring, 2014 meeting

On the agenda:

* Copies of the new documentaries Andrea Eats A Pear and Andrea Brushes Her Teeth - 2/7/14 are now available on DVD for $10. Please see Linda under stair 2
* Andrea's new belt: Q&A
* Andrea doesn't like sweet potatoes anymore


April 22, 6:00 p.m.

April 16, 2014

Services

Need cabinet doors opened?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

April 15, 2014

Public service announcement






















Let's put an end to ceiling fan on ceiling fan crime

Call 555-1003 to find out how you can help

April 14, 2014

Announcements

Kaynesport Historical Society announces its newest addition: the city's largest pollen pool.


















Two chances to witness this historic event: May 2-19 & June 7-24

Call the KHS at 555-4419 for tour schedules

Religious visions















An image of our lord and savior appeared on a potato chip the other day.

There is also a light-yellow holy mark near Jesus' chin that has been confirmed to be a sign of the lord blessing us.

Witness this once-in-a-lifetime event only in my linen closet.


* $300 per viewing
* Replica Jesus Chips also available


1219 Kingstin Avenue, Kaynesport

April 13, 2014

For sale

I've got drawings I did of my right ear for sale.

* Pencil (2) and blue ink pen (3) on paper
* Some spilled turkey gravy on two of the pieces


$35 each or all five for $150
Paul  555-6671