* Fear of a clothed giraffe
* Bringing a rake into the bath tub
* "I make split pea soup and pour it into my wool hats"
* Excessive air laughing
* Giant ice cubes invade Freezer City
* Are You Pimplier Than a 7th Grader? - Season 4
* America's Got Ear Infections - Season 1-2
* Busboys: San Antonio
* Orthodontist Wives - Final season w/deleted scenes
* Litter Box - Season 2
* The Girl With the Taxi Cab Tattoo - Niles Shane
* The Roping Off of Lot 49 - Chocolate House Publishing
* Idiot's Guide to the Pencil Sharpener - Ed. Molly Orsen
The Derwood Theater Group is looking for actors and actresses to audition for the following roles in the upcoming play New Slippers for Josephine.
* Bert
* Young Josephine
* Voice of singing curling iron
* Evil Brenda
* Slipper Hall of Fame curator Irvin Walch
* Earless Paul
* Reverend Johnnie "Magic Man" Chamberlain
* Olin the talking cantaloupe
** We're also looking to hire someone who can coax a family of raccoons out of a washing machine **
Auditions: July 30 from 2:00 p.m. until 7:00 p.m.
Derwood Theater Group - 389 Vupple Crossing, South Plumptin
Riverbend Middle School
- 1989-1990 (Special green cover, with Sarah Kerr autograph)
- 1990-1991
Howard Taft High School
- 1991-1992 (Picture of me on the JV baseball team, page 63)
- 1992-1993 (Tracy Hannigan autograph)
- 1993-1994
- 1994-1995 (Senior year *rare*)
September 6 - Monster Wheelbarrow Rally
September 19 - Shouting at Kevins Festival
September 28 - How Many Olives Can Beth Fit in Her Mouth?
October 9 - InstructionmanualCon
October 16 - Pete & Linda Sing the Phonebook: H-K
I can handle a wide variety of odd jobs, including:
* Directions to your mailbox * Introducing crayons to other crayons * Giving your toothbrush the right name * "I can fit an an entire cantaloupe in my mouth" * Leaf eating contest judge * Gluing things to infants
Plumptin Pythons semi pro football
Pre-season team meeting
On the agenda:
* A nose tackle does not tackle people and pick their noses, despite what former coach Ron Jackson may have said
* Why only in practice do we get three points for throwing the ball between the uprights
* Received in change at Beefy's Fast Food Hut, Store #117 (August 4)
* According to legend, once belonged to Lyle Vernon lookalike Kyle Ferman
* Free counterfeit $10 bill with purchase
* The customers are not allowed to buy just the bumper * Please stop accepting band aids with dollar amounts written on them as currency * The steering wheel is not optional
Drunville Blastos Baseball Additions to 2011 promotional calendar
August 21 - Toss Apricots into the Bullpen Night August 30 - Bring Your Ostrich to the Ballpark September 12 - Stapler Day September 13 - Pick on the Owner's Son September 26 - Peanut Shell Night
"Putting the 'aw' and 'fic' back in 'law offices' since 1996."
Specializing in:
* Anthillnapping
* Following too closely to a pigeon while juggling bars of soap
* Impersonating a police radar detector
* S.U.I. (Shlubbering under the influence)
* Receiving stolen eggplant
* Shouting profanity at a box of cereal while wearing a kangaroo costume
* Embellishing janitorial work * Fear of exploding arm pits * Shampoo bottle tattoo regret * Excessive air trumpeting * Hoarding tape dispensers * Fear of drawings of snakes