February 28, 2014

February 27, 2014

For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD

* Are You Sweatier Than Paul?
* Let's Staple Hamburger Buns To That Old Man - season 4
* Countdown to 10:30: Iowa City
* Where Are My Shoes?! - final season

$4 each
Tina  555-9117

February 26, 2014


The Derweezo Circus traveling freak show is coming to a town near you!

Check out our freaks:

* The man not wearing shoes
* The mailbox that can't speak
* The girl with pierced ears
* The gray-haired man
* The tarantula with no elbows
* The woman who every Sunday attends church with her microwave
* The salmon who refuses to wear a top hat
* The unused paper plate

Derweezo Circus
555-3449 for tickets

February 25, 2014


Need anything on a fast food restaurant menu pointed at?

Joe Maglio  555-9995

February 24, 2014

February 23, 2014


Mayo King Fast Food - Store #42
Staff meeting

On the agenda:

* A customer's shoe is not an acceptable place for to-go food
* There's no such thing as a wearing a jacket tax

Monday, 10:00 a.m.

February 22, 2014


Handy-man for hire

I can perform a variety of odd jobs, including:

* Shouting insults at dripping tap water
* "Let's run over to that man and chew on his ankles"
* Pointing at clocks/revealing the time of day
* Naming your arm hairs
* Making envelopes out of pieces of pizza/mailing things

Call for rates and availability
Thomas  555-8112

February 21, 2014


KSC - Kaynesport chapter

Spring kickoff meeting: February 23, 7:00 p.m.

February 20, 2014


I'm missing the heel of my left shoe.

Here's a photograph of it, taken Monday:

If anyone has any information, please contact me. Reward magazine subscription cards offered.

Dwayne  555-6115

February 19, 2014


The Kerwin Daniels House
Upcoming meeting schedule

February 23 - F.M.H. (Finding Mud a Home). 6:30 p.m. in room 5
March 5 - What The Book? book club, spring meeting. Featuring discussion on several books, including A Tale of Two Shin Bruises and The Idiot's Guide To Paper Clips
March 12 - Women Named Beth, spring '14 kick off meeting. 8:00 p.m. in room 14b
March 24 - Record release party for the 20th anniversary edition of Stairway to Parking Garage by Rory Vincent Band
March 30 -  March 31st Eve countdown, begins at 11:30 p.m. in the main auditorium

Kerwin Daniels House - 640 Derwood Lane, Kaynesport

February 18, 2014

For sale

Carrot pieces

* Rare

Call for pricing list
Brenda  555-4019

February 17, 2014


I'm in the market for one pant leg, left or right, from a pair of brown men's pants.

Will pay upwards of $8, or, if interested, the equivalent in parking stubs.

Lucas  555-2281

February 16, 2014

For rent



** Free hugs with rental agreement (ladies only) **

Jeremy  555-3049

February 15, 2014

Featured works

This month's Bobby Classifieds Featured Works is graffiti artist Lemp.

Lemp exhibition now through March 5 at Plumptin Gallery - 99 Zeoli Blvd.

February 14, 2014

For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD

* My Elbow Hurts! - full series (three-disc set)
* Who Wants To Glue Leaves To A Millionaire? - season 2
* Paper Football Championship: Knoxville

$7 each or all four for $25
Kavon  555-0019

February 13, 2014

Help wanted

I need someone to help me finish painting my sign.

I eventually want to have the word CRAWFISH with an arrow pointing to the right, but so far I just have C, R and A and I've run out of paint.

* Payment available in cash or in empty spray cans
* Call for directions to the wall, among other things

Derrick  555-3997

February 12, 2014

February 11, 2014


Need someone to check the temperature of your food?

* February specials *

- Soup: $5/bowl; up to four temperature checks
- Children's food (three years old or younger): $7/taste

Joe Maglio  555-9995

February 10, 2014


Kaynesport Pythons Baseball
Additions to the 2014 promotional calendar

April 4 - Pen cap (first 5,000 fans)
April 5 - Envelope of pine cone pieces
April 17 - Throw radishes at the bat boy
May 19 - Plane Tray Table Night
May 22 - Pythons mini helmet of dishwashing detergent
June 14 - Napkin Night

Call 555-3818 for tickets

February 9, 2014

February 8, 2014


Do you feel you've made a mistake naming your child?

Are you looking to start over?

Barbara  555-8887

* Spring, 2014 special: names beginning with the letter R just $10 *

February 7, 2014

For hire


* Finalist on the 2008 reality TV show Wiping Up Spills With The Stars
* Will have my own mop, starting February 11th

Steve  555-4499

February 6, 2014

For sale

Movies on VHS

* Using The Bathroom At Tiffany's
* Thursday, Part 3
* Things We Lost In The Baked Ziti
* Dental Floss: Impossible

$3 each
Gavin  555-7991

February 5, 2014

Item found

Lint ball

We found this little guy near our drier a few weeks ago and haven't had any luck finding him a new home.

We still believe the right owner is out there somewhere.

* Weighs about two ounces
* Doesn't respond to Charlie

Ernie & Bernice  555-2291

February 4, 2014

Help wanted

Need to hire an assistant/intern to count how many napkins I use over the next 12 months. It's for a book I'm writing, so I'm also going to need an applicant who can edit and/or write a book.

* Will pay in Chinese food takeout menus
* Ladies only

Trent  555-1109

February 3, 2014


I'm looking to purchase one right-footed roller skate, doesn't matter the color or size.

Will offer as much as $5 or the equivalent in cat food.

Serious offers only.

Danny  555-0103

February 2, 2014


We were both in the lobby of the movie theater on Friday night and I kept buying popcorn and adding it to my popcorn pool on the floor.

I asked you if you wanted to "take a dip" and offered you some sun-tan lotion (butter) and one of my old bathing suits.

How long did I say my all-time record was for consecutive seconds drinking at the water fountain?

Bruce  555-0117

February 1, 2014

For sale


* Air French Horn (March, 2007)
* Pointing At Cabbage (January, 1999)
* What Time Is It? (August, 2005 - 2:20 and 10:15 double issue)
* Ice Cube Historian's Monthly (December, 2009)

$4 each
Vanessa  555-6617