For sale

Van

* 337,000 miles
* Brand-new windshield wipers
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV show Van Swap


$750
Corey 555-8885

Services

Air vocal lessons available

* Professional air vocalist with over 20 years experience
* Toupee-top showcase concert at end of lessons


Call for rates
Clara 555-0091

Bobby Birthday T-Shirts Now Available™

DS, 2H, L, CSL, XCSL
$10


email derwoodmorris@gmail.com to order

For sale

VHS


No Country for Old Yogurt
The Phantom of the Piano Recital
The Men who Stare at Ceiling Fans


$4 each
Bridgett 555-4636

For sale

Costumes


* Lettuce Man (w/out ranch utility belt)
* Flying Potato
* Wendell (1970s version with edible bow tie)

$10 each


Also available: Colonel Hiccup nose warmers

25 for $1


Beth 555-1886

Bathroom items for sale

Q-tip

* Used
* Comes with wax/blood combo (rare)
* Perfect for Q-tip sword fights

$5


Toilet paper roll

* Empty

$4


Hurry, Frank is interested
Evan 555-8760

Meetings

Overpay Grocery Store
Staff Meeting


Items to discuss:

* The customers are not allowed to trade elderly family members for produce
* Please stop accepting goldfish food from aisle 9 as currency
* We are no longer selling the following magazines: Emaciated Male, Band Recital Shouter


June 8, 10:00 a.m.

Openings

Braybush Bank
Grand re-opening

"We got the rancid mayonnaise smell out, ya'll!"

Now with:

* Direct toenail deposit
* Wheelbarrow equity loans
* Free Grabbing & Hoarding savings accounts


** Raccoon-friendly **


Braybush Bank - 400 Peesley Circle, Kaynesport

For sale

Turkey sandwich

* One-third already eaten
* Lipstick on crust (rare)


$8
Linda 555-4176

For sale

Used books


War and Applesauce - Brevin Gallagher
My Talking Zucchini Fantasies - Beth Wheatford
The Encyclopedia of Misshapen Ice Cubes - Chocolate House Publishing


$6 each
Charlie 555-3005

For sale

Ernie




He was the best butterfly a boy could want, but that was a long time ago. Now he just sits there all day and we barely speak to each other. It's time for him to get a fresh start on life, and I need to come clean with him about the caterpillar I've been seeing.


$27 or best offer
Vance 555-2111

Bobby Turns 2

Services

Quintin, Brazzby & Herera Law Offices

* Possession of canary feathers with intent to distribute
* Sneeze and Run
* Misappropriation of giraffe ears
* Impersonating an artichoke

Call for rates and availability
555-5719

Goldfish for sale

Bernie IV

* Acquired in a trade for a salamander (Ernie): January, 2008
* Deceased since 12:03 a.m.


$1
Tory 555-8228