Services

Kelli the Advice Lady
For hire

* Wearing a belt into the shower
* Don't pour sweet and sour sauce into your dress shoes
* Spending too much time underneath the couch

and many more!

Call for rates and availability
555-3610

For rent

Toilet paper



- Estimated 74 squares remaining
- Rent by length or by the minute
- Ask about our layaway plans

Call 555-1771 for rates

For sale

Match book




* Autographed by world-famous air triangle player Bobby Feathers
* Used in the filming of the 2010 made-for-TV movie They Came to Burn our Shoelaces
* Matches sold separately


$40
Ira 555-8010

For rent

Well



* Located at 1820 Wuxley Crossing, East Kaynesport
* Fits 1/18 of a person comfortably
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV show Will Someone Take My Daughter on a Date at the Well? and the 2007 film A Bloody Nose at the Opera


$14/week
Daniel 555-2457

Help wanted

I'm looking for someone who can talk a woman off the roof of a bus.

* Must know how to operate a fishing pole


Darlene 555-7818

Services

Corak, Lundy & Hitz
Attorneys-at-law

* Walrus 1
* Impersonating a police whistle
* Leaving the scene of a level 3 accordion riot
* Powers of receptionist
* Felony water fountain sip-and-run
* Wheelbarrow-chicken rings


Call for rates and availability
555-6106

For sale

Garage sale

* 1/2 door (with 1/2 blue jay) - $25
* Oil stain photos - 5 for $10
* Uncle Frank - $42
* Uncle Frank's spaghetti eyebrow art collection - $150 or $3 per eyebrow
* Mystery bag - $.75

And many more!


Eric & Lydia 555-2299

Openings

Limping Fred's Drive-In Movie Theatre
Grand opening!



Fall movies

Chasing Momma Out of the Train
Sockless Man Walking
Karate Raccoon 2
Six Anchovies of Separation

Brand-new documentaries, by TBC Films:

* The People Next Door Don't Have a Roof
* Mouseburgers: The Closing of Beefy's Fast Food Hut Store #118


Limping Fred's - 725 Fingo Street, South Plumptin

Elroys for sale

** Over 300 in stock **

- Just bulldozed in
- Perfect for gluing hot dog buns to

Sold out:

* Brown hair
* Fake limps (patented pre-2006 only)


Call for pricing list - 555-4101

For Sale

Rest area bathroom items




Razor

- Orange/white
- Several rust spots

Soap

- Weighs .1 ounce
- Mystery hair sold separately

Razor cover

- Perfect if bought with razor


Make me an offer
Jalen 555-5911


** Hurry, Eddie is interested **

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #42
Staff meeting


Items to discuss:

* Instead of the ketchup dispenser, please start using the sink to wash your hands
* The jumping out from behind the counter and scaring the customers with bacon face joke is no longer funny
* You're not allowed to give manicures at the drive-thru window


October 5, 10:30 a.m.

For sale

Pen cap collection

* Over 400 available
* Part of the reality TV show Pen Cap Eating Contest: All Stars


Call for pricing list
Dimitri  555-7111

For sale

Murray Dandridge autographed lettuce



$150
Claude 555-7340

Services

Need to get someone down from a roof or chandelier?


Joe Maglio 555-9995