For sale

Emissions bill

* $25 owed
* I'm at the emissions testing center in the Beefy's Fast Food Hut parking lot in downtown Kaynesport. I'm sitting in a blue station wagon, I'll have my hand out of the driver's side window and be snapping my fingers.
* Three old emissions certificates free with purchase (2002, 2008, 2010)


$30 or best offer
Cole 555-2281

Services

Handy man for hire


I can do a variety of odd jobs, including:

* Personal sneezer
* Don't settle for the wrong ice cube
* Ant calls
* Bandaid-eating contest judge
* "Let's rush over to that elderly man and pull his hair"
* Homemade boats made out of old slippers: Q&A
* What is biting my foot?


Call for hourly rates
Marty  555-9223

For sale

Bumper stickers


"How's my Firewood Tossing? 555-6071"
"Miss Asparagus - Runner-up '03"
"My Child Spilled her Chocolate Milk at Plumptin Middle School"
"Miss Asparagus - 3rd Place '04"


$2 each
Tracy 555-6071

For sale

Chicken bone

* Appeared in the reality TV show Are You Chubbier Than A Third Grader?
* Comes with one napkin


$3
Anthony  555-0223

Services

Need anything plugged in?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

Meetings

Sandy's Salad Buffet
Staff meeting

Items to discuss:

* The heads of lettuce in my pants joke at the hostess stand is no longer funny
* Please don't challenge the customers to crouton fights

March 10, 1:00 p.m.

For rent

Parking space

* Located in my driveway at 610 Horace Blvd., Kaynesport
* Wheelbarrow friendly
* Close proximity to mine and several other's front lawns


$175/month
Myron 555-5239

For sale

Popcorn

* About 20 pieces available *


Call for pricing list
Chuck  555-8334

For sale

2012 calendars

Wall

* The Girls of Pinecone Fondler Magazine
* 12 Months of Colored Chalk (missing January: orange)

Desk

* Paper Football Fact-A-Day
* 365 Days Of Shampoo
* Salad Olympics Trivia


Call for pricing list
Kent 555-3223

Meetings

Paquito's Mexican Restaurant
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* Please stop accepting ice cubes as currency
* The birthday song does not include a topless scene
* Back of the house update: we now make our own ice


March 6, 11:00 a.m.

For rent

Lamp shade



* Must provide own lamp *


$4/hour
Randy 555-8651

For sale

Rainwater

It rained a lot last night, but don't worry, I kept a lot of it.

- Perfect for that special someone
- Puddle water also available


** Over 20 small buckets: choose the plan that's right for you **
Greg 555-9331

For sale

Used books


The Girl With The Hubcap Tattoo - Miles Arnold
A Child Called "Minestrone" - Gabby Bly
Idiot's Guide To The Park Bench - Chocolate House Publishing
I Saw Mommy Kissing Everyone: The Peggy Cliff Story - Peggy Cliff


$4 each
Beth 555-2918

Public Service Announcement

Let's put an end to crop-on-crop crime


Call 555-1003 to find out how you can help