For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD


* Get My Grandpa Down From There! - season 2 w/bonus disc
* The Real Bird's Nests of the Kaynesport Public Library
* Defibrillator Swap - season 4 w/outtakes
* Does Your Little Brother Have To Be Here? - season 1
* Bag Boys: Cincinnati


$7 each
Bethany  555-3391

For rent

Refrigerator space

I've got a small corner in the back of my refrigerator available if you need to store some food and/or drink.


* Refrigerator is in close proximity to ceiling leak 3
* For a limited time, 1/2 head of lettuce available with rental agreement


Greg  555-2201

Services

Need letters typed on your computer?

* A-through-H: $.30 each
* I-through-V: $.45 each
* And coming July, 2013: W-through-Z and the numbers 4, 7 & 8


Moe Jagglyo  555-7000

Personal ads

Door for home


Single, white door.

Been knocked on over 3,000 times (12 Halloweens on my resume) and my peep hole has been painted over, but I'm more than ready to be opened and closed.


Darryl  box 84972


Ice cube for freezer


Clear, about 45 minutes old. I have no problem being part of a group (drinks, ice packs).

I want to be in your freezer. Call me.


Crystal  box 33001

For sale

Oil change bill

* $29.95 due
* I'm at Tire Guys, store #38, at register six in an orange shirt and brown pants. I'll be waving.
* Free receipt/tire rotation coupon with purchase


$20 or best offer
Ted 555-2004

For hire

Gravel-eating contest champion for hire

* Won national titles in 1983, 1998 and 2004
* Must provide your own gravel
* Now also competitively eating sawdust & leaves


Call for prices and availability
Gus  555-3306

Meetings

Stop & Stay Convenience Store 

Staff meeting 

On the agenda: 

* Please stop accepting hub caps as currency 

* What happened after Veronica tried to microwave the bottle of soda 

* We do not have a give a penny take a case of motor oil tray 

 June 10, 10:00 a.m.

Events

The Lavellederwood Circus traveling freak show is coming to a town near you!

Check out our brand-new freaks:

* The acorn that can't speak
* The parakeet with no thumbs
* The blank piece of paper
* The brown-haired man
* The hubcap with no tire
* The goldfish who refuses to wear a rain coat
* The long-haired woman


Lavellederwood Circus
Call 555-2002 for schedule and tickets

Meetings

Mustpay Groceries - Store #140
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* What's the code for avocados?
* Bag boys: no pulling on the customer's ears while they swipe their credit cards
* Orange juice does not and should not come with a prize inside


June 8, 10:00 a.m. in the break room

Announcements

Kaynesport Chamber of Commerce
Prop bills to be voted on June 10

88 - Legality of nail polish remover on popcorn
97 - Vote YES to stop the Garrison family from getting a new roof
192 - Ban hiccuping on motorcycles
203 - Mosquito rights
246 - Separate but equal: leaves
355 - Ban the use of string instruments while riding a horse


Chamber of Commerce building - 425 Lyle Sherwood Lane, downtown

Services

Need your lawn mowed?

Tired of Joe Maglio coming over, mowing for a few minutes, eating some of the grass and/or falling asleep on your lawn?

You have other options.


Vince Maglio  555-9995


* Free expired Joe Maglio chauffeur's license with service agreement *

For sale

Ice cube shaped like a boot

This extremely rare item was discovered in my freezer on Wednesday.

* Other rare ice cubes available:

- "Boat with no sail"

- "Ice cube pieces of the garage freezer"


Call for pricing list
Zelda  555-5574

For sale

Used video games

* Rear View Mirror Thief
* How Much Change Is In My Couch? The Video Game
* Paper Football 1994
* Waspnestbusters
* Prison Cafeteria 5: Dessert


$8 each
Greg  555-0081

The Bobby Turns 5!