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Personal trainer Elliot Rainbow, creator of world-famous workout videos At Least Do One Sit-up and Now We're Blubbersizing!, presents his third installment, Untitled Workout Video.


Rainbow (February, 1998)


Monday

Workout: Solo thumb wars - left vs. right.

Diet: For breakfast/lunch, engage in a serious political discussion with a stick of butter. For dinner, interview a Hardees store manager about drive-thru policies.

Extra-curricular: Seduce a curling iron.

Tuesday

Workout: Sit down(s). Beginners: sit down slowly.

Diet: Breakfast/lunch, drink 3 ounces of beef broth. Dinner, call a random number in the phone book and initiate a conversation about cottage cheese.

Extra-curricular: Improvised whistling for 12 seconds

Wednesday

Workout: Daydream about roller skating.

Diet: For breakfast/lunch/dinner, chew on some notebook paper.

Extra-curricular: Massage a beach towel

Thursday

Workout: Crawl 3 laps around the dining room table. At the end of each lap, scream the name of your 4th grade teacher. Example: "Mrs. Vanderells!!"

Diet: Breakfast/lunch, celery shavings. For dinner, bathe in soy sauce.

Extra-curricular: High-five practice with your goldfish.

Friday

Workout: Knee taps. Do four reps of six knee taps. For beginners: simulated knee tapping.

Diet: For breakfast/lunch, on a piece of paper, write down the name of your favorite salad dressing. For dinner, insult a plate of fat-free turkey bacon.

Extra-curricular: Rehabilitate a dying shampoo bottle.

For a free consulation call 555-1000 or email oscarrainbow@gmail.com