Wanted

J.P. Poppadapolis
aka "Lumpy Pete"


* Wanted for kidnapping an elderly woman and her parakeet and forcing the woman to brush her teeth with a stalk of celery and maple syrup while the bird watched. Also, wanted on suspicion of P.U.I (plubbering under the influence) and failing to remove his Belly Button Boy pajamas and watermelon slippers in a government building.


Any information, please contact the Kaynesport Sheriff's Department: 555-3441