January 1, 2010

For sale

New Year's resolutions

Having trouble coming up with a resolution for 2010? Buy one of mine. Special discounts available for guys named Brandon.

* Start giving wheelbarrow rides to less fortunate shopping carts
* Change my name to Cr'Phonso; one month later, stand on a table at a crowded Chinese restaurant and announce that I'm changing back to my original name
* Be a better waver
* Sleep one night in the washing machine
* Perfect my fake yawn
* Meet someone named Ernie
* Wear my rubber eyebrows once a month regardless of the weather
* Open my own grocery store, fill it with nothing but paintings of lettuce
* Convince a stranger to marry a four-pack of ankle socks

$25 each or three for $60
Brandon 555-8818

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