January 25, 2010


Gern Aldrich
Age: 31

Wanted for kidnapping a doughnut and attempting to replace its jelly center with harmonica sheet music. Mr. Aldrich was seen exiting the 19th Street Dudley's with the doughnut, a grandfather (Wayne) on a leash and a copy of Marvin Chenkoff's novel The Idiot's Guide to the Salt Bagel. Mr. Aldrich is also wanted for selling counterfeit cat whiskers. He is considered suspendered and eyebrowless.

If you have any information, please call the Kaynesport Sheriff's department 555-1004

Aldrich (artist's rendering)

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