July 19, 2012

For hire

God

"You tried that guy over there, why don't you try another guy who is standing just a little bit closer to you?"

* I'm about 5-8, 170 pounds with long, brown hair
* I will lead you to salvation, or to the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet, whichever is first on my bus route
* I have my own robe

Provide:

- Directions to the nearest church
- Replica Jesus wigs
- The answers to life's questions, including

1. What time is it?
2. What should I name my goldfish?
3. Well, what time is it now?
4. Can I just ask one more question?

- Hugs (ladies only)
- In-home sermons:

* "Dozens of other uses for mayonnaise"
* "God says it's time for a new couch"
* "When is this sermon going to end?"


Call for rates and availability
Horace 555-8118

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