Obituary

Reginald Callahan
1931-2010

Reginald, the former governor of the mailbox and surrounding patch of grass in his front lawn, died of an apparent refrigerator magnet overdose. Mr. Callahan was one of the founding members of the political organization S.O.S.L. (Separation of Sandals and Lasagna) and played air flute in the musical group Noodle Paco. He is survived by his pet vegetable slicer, Irwin.

For sale

Arm & hand



* Rubber
* Received in a trade for a plastic ear (May, 2002)
* Used in the filming of the 2009 documentary Knuckle Eating Contest: The Rise and Fall of Cal McReynolds


$4
Andy 555-4426

Meetings

Cheechio's Restaurant
Server's meeting

Items to discuss:

* The customers are not allowed to take home their booth
* Please stop accepting paper bags with dollar amounts written on them as currency
* Mustard on a napkin is not a side item


September 12, 3:00 p.m.

Announcements

The Kaynesport Pythons 35+ fall baseball team has been selected!

2010 roster:

* returning player

1. Peakus Graham
2. Ozzie Cronin
3. J.R. Pershack
4. Morris Delwood*
5. Paper Clip Martin*
6. Simple Blinky
7. Dunkin Flapper*
8. Pete Schutz
9. Spaghetti Johnson*
10. Mel Cronin
11. Silly Toes McAfferty
12. Robin Curly
13. Marty Eefis*
14. Esteban Quinones*


First practice: September 17, 1:00 p.m. at field 6

* Please bring your own socks *

Destinations

Visit the Plunger County Prison & Museum




Check out our Fall, 2010 special exhibits:

**Getaway Cars of the 1990s

Includes the Beano Brothers' red station wagon (*with world-famous salami stains on front windshield*)


**Solitary Peep Shows

See some of the world's worst criminals locked in solitary confinement and put in provocative positions like:

- Fetal
- Laying down
- Arguing with himself
- Rodent Circus promoter


Plus:

Lunch tray fights


Plunger County Prison & Museum - 245 Ansley Lane, Plumptin

Meetings

Friends of Randy Attley
September meeting

On the agenda:

- FRA Flashback, July 12, 2007: the day we met Andy Rattly
- Randy's new earlobe implants
- Randy can only fit 11 grapes into his mouth at once, not 12


September 9, 4:00 p.m.

For sale

Change

- 3 dimes
- 1 nickle (w/cat hair stuck to it by maple syrup *RARE*)


$2
Jeremy 555-3329

* Hurry, Uncle Evan is interested *

For sale

Magazines


Runny Nose (March, 2002; June, 2002)
The Journal of Modern American Shouting (December, 2004; May, 2005)
Highway On-Ramp Juggler (January, 2000)


$5 each
Charlene 555-8191

Services

Fernz, Gwendy & Capolo Attorneys at Law


* Piccolonapping
* Failure to leave the scene of a goose taunting
* Embezzling plums
* Impersonating a police officer's mother-in-law
* Possession of bluejay feathers with intent to distribute
* Attempted Breadstick 1
* Failure to remove crab cake helmet in a government building


Call 555-3319 for a free consultation

Services

** Morris' Now Available **

- Just wheelbarrowed in
- Available for celery fights
- Over 8,000 in stock
- Perfect for thumb tacking things to


Call 555-5614 for pricing list

Openings

Jimmy's Restaurant
Grand re-opening

"We got rid of the bird's nests ya'll!"

New menu items:

- Carpet pudding
- Gary elbow salad
- Grilled envelope w/butter sauce
- Jimmy's world-famous band aid soup
- Paper towel pizza
- Eyebrow pasta w/meat sauce


Jimmy's - 410 Bechtold St., Kaynesport

Meetings

Hepsen Valley Youth Football Bulldogs
Team meeting


Items to discuss:

* Moms are no longer allowed on the sideline or to call plays
* Where in the end zone did we bury coach Abrams' wallet?
* A chin strap is not edible no matter how long you fry it


September 3, 4:30 p.m. at field 3

For sale

Domain names for sale

www.salamirandolph.net
www.fireassistantprincipalherman.blogspot.com
www.moviescriptdatabase.com/2008_whatsscreaminginglennsfreezer
www.thingsifoundintrevorsnose.net
www.filefoldereatingcontest.com/pastchampions_peteryu
www.eggrollsiveyettoeat.com


$20 each
Harry 555-4410

For sale

Stamps

"Pinch Olympics Champions"

* Ernie Wilfong (rare) - $100
* Quinton James - $45

"Legends of the 1973 Marshmallow Hostage Negotiations"

* Sgt. Ben Venable - $10

"Deadliest Raccoons-Series IV"

* Rodney - $25


All in mint condition
Carlton 555-3444