Services

Need furniture sat in?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

Obituary

Charles Pickford
1910-2010

The founding member of the political activist group S.A.C. (Separation of Antler & Cake), he died doing what he loved: screaming obsentities at his desk lamp. One of the great air drummers of all time, Charles was also a multiple gold medal winner at the 1984 Office Supply Olympics. He is survived by a drawing of a donkey.

For sale

Gas bill

* $73.46 due immediately

$60
Gwen  555-7291


** Hurry, Brent and maybe Jenna are interested **

Meetings

Friends of Matt Nopler
December meeting


Items to discuss:

* When we go Christmas caroling this year, we can not share the same pair of pants again
* Matt doesn't like lima beans anymore


December 10, 1:00 p.m. at headquarters

For sale

Magazines

Air Guitar (February, 1987; April, 1989; May, 1989)
Falling off the Roof (December, 2004)
Whine (March, 2007; April, 2007)


$4 each
Daniel 555-6339

Openings

Nelly Deen's Jelly Beans
Grand opening!


New gourmet flavors:

* Roast Beef
* Kitten Paw
* Light Ranch
* Envelope
* Nelly Eyelash
* Cauliflower Surprise
* Olive Breath
* Cucumber Confetti


Nelly's - 395 Louis Lane, Plumptin

Meetings

Bumbo's Bar & Grill
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* The customers are not allowed to bring home their plates and silverware
* Burnin' Down the Bar is no longer a Karaoke selection
* Please stop accepting pen caps as currency


December 8, 11:00 a.m.

Openings

Noodle Paco's Movie House
Grand re-opening!

"We got rid of the possums, ya'll!"

Winter, 2010 movies:

The Greatest Towel To Ever Fold
Potato Salad, Interrupted
The Below-Average Mrs. Ripley
Hockey Fish 2
Honey, I Sneezed on the Kids


Noodle Paco's - 446 Quickum Trace, Kaynesport

For sale

Bone



* Once belonged to Ernie Gladwell
* Perfect for that special someone in your life


$22
Eric 555-6629

** Leaves sold separately **

Services

Psychiatrist for hire


* The voices inside your toothbrush
* "I make gumbo and pour it into my neighbors' mailboxes"
* Inadequacy in the coat check room
* Giant forks invade Salad City
* Tape measure envy
* Snowman war nightmares/fear of carrots


Call for rates and availability
Susan Everton 555-2010

For sale

Used workout videos

Time to Blubbersize! - $7
At Least Do One Sit Up - $10


Sebastian 555-8175

Closings

Mejia's Mexican Restaurant is closing its doors after 15 years. Come help us celebrate our last night, December 7.




Final night schedule:

7:00 p.m. - Star Spangled Banner, performed by Ernie (wooden spoons on teeth)
7:10 p.m. - Queso Dunk Tank semi finals/finals
8:00 p.m. - Let's try and get Horace Gallego drunk
10:00 p.m. - "My Mejia's Moment", featuring some of our regular customer's favorite memories:

* The night Janet fell asleep in the tortilla maker
* The birth of Terrence Jr. at table 19
* Christmas Party, 1998 (Darren plays the harmonica and cries under the mistletoe)

12:00 a.m. - Police escort to supply shed
12:15 a.m. - Police escort to parking lot


December 7 at Mejia's - 175 Cuppert Avenue, Kaynesport

Services

Rorinson Printing Company


* Directions to Darren's house
* Beware of Grandmother's Ashes signs
* Ransom notes now available on red and pink paper
* Brussel sprout war peace treaties
* All-You-Can-Paper Clip Fridays

And more!


Rorinson Printing Co.
310 Asherminn Court, Burp County

For sale

1/2 roll




$4
Ben 555-4781