The former lead guitarist for The Mossy People will be autographing his new solo album, Corn on the Cob Man Revival, at the Midtown Beefy's Fast Food Hut from 1:00 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.
Midtown Beefy's FFH: 555-2345
September 30, 2008
Meet Carl Clepper, October 25!
The former lead guitarist for The Mossy People will be autographing his new solo album, Corn on the Cob Man Revival, at the Midtown Beefy's Fast Food Hut from 1:00 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.
Midtown Beefy's FFH: 555-2345
September 29, 2008
Openings
Visit the world-famous Sammybee Park playground!
*Now with 17% less urine; 5% less poo
*Over 130,000 wood chips (most in North America)
*The Crush Monster has been removed
Grab the kids and come check out....
- Two new slides: "The Rotini" & "The A.C. Slater"
All-day passes
$55 adults
$47.50 children under 11
Sammybee P&R 555-6105
September 28, 2008
Meetings posted
The Pet Store
October staff meeting
Items to discuss:
- How much bird seed eaten is too much bird seed eaten?
- The whereabouts of Molly the Ferret
October 4, 7:00 p.m.
Friends of Teresa Bailey
Emergency fall meeting
* Teresa's mother is in town: who's picking her up at the airport?
Thursday, October 9, 8:00 p.m.
Vanilla wafers: Gary
October staff meeting
Items to discuss:
- How much bird seed eaten is too much bird seed eaten?
- The whereabouts of Molly the Ferret
October 4, 7:00 p.m.
Friends of Teresa Bailey
Emergency fall meeting
* Teresa's mother is in town: who's picking her up at the airport?
Thursday, October 9, 8:00 p.m.
Vanilla wafers: Gary
September 27, 2008
Personal ads
MEN SEEKING WOMEN
I'll show you the world, or at least my little part of the world located in mom's attic. I like chicken noodle soup with Saltines-if you don't like it, there's the door! (I'll point to the door when the time is right).
Roderick box 11116
I want to no you.
Vince box 44001
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
My sister Hillary, "Miss Perfect", is getting married in March, 2009. I'd like to finally beat her at something, so I need to get married before she does. You can help make that happen. No half-thumbs.
Janet box 77991
I'll show you the world, or at least my little part of the world located in mom's attic. I like chicken noodle soup with Saltines-if you don't like it, there's the door! (I'll point to the door when the time is right).
Roderick box 11116
I want to no you.
Vince box 44001
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
My sister Hillary, "Miss Perfect", is getting married in March, 2009. I'd like to finally beat her at something, so I need to get married before she does. You can help make that happen. No half-thumbs.
Janet box 77991
September 26, 2008
Thoughts for sale
My thoughts just aren't selling like I thought they would. These are some of my more recent thoughts, now available at low, low prices.
- Sock puppet color scheme regret
- My hiring, firing, re-hiring and re-firing at Applebees
- My father's new girlfriend, Sharon's new chin
- What is he think he's doing?
- Dennis Haskins
- Interview with Kenny "Sky" Walker. We become friends and rent a two-bedroom apartment
$3 each
Danny 555-8108
- Sock puppet color scheme regret
- My hiring, firing, re-hiring and re-firing at Applebees
- My father's new girlfriend, Sharon's new chin
- What is he think he's doing?
- Dennis Haskins
- Interview with Kenny "Sky" Walker. We become friends and rent a two-bedroom apartment
$3 each
Danny 555-8108
September 25, 2008
Obituaries
Carlton Henning
1852-2008
The old rascal finally died (wine cork overdose). Governor of Pierce City from 1917-1919; impeached April, 1919 for misappropriation of penguins. Sadly, never fulfilled his lifelong dream of becoming a lifelong dreamer. Survived by his step-son Elijah (131) and his wife, Mary (83).
Helen Farqua
1867-2008
Helen was married six times to four different men and one rhinoceros. Lived through the Refried Bean shortages of 1913 and 1926. Funeral services: October 2, 5:00 p.m., then it's off to Patty Q's for beer and wings.
1852-2008
The old rascal finally died (wine cork overdose). Governor of Pierce City from 1917-1919; impeached April, 1919 for misappropriation of penguins. Sadly, never fulfilled his lifelong dream of becoming a lifelong dreamer. Survived by his step-son Elijah (131) and his wife, Mary (83).
Helen Farqua
1867-2008
Helen was married six times to four different men and one rhinoceros. Lived through the Refried Bean shortages of 1913 and 1926. Funeral services: October 2, 5:00 p.m., then it's off to Patty Q's for beer and wings.
September 24, 2008
For rent
Umpires
Denny Winfield (45) and Olin Barker (41)
Both Winfield (left) and Barker are 15-year veterans of softball and baseball umpiring.
Strike calls-
Denny:Straaaaack!
Olin: Hike!
* Have both been told repeatedly to get a pair of glasses but they refuse
$75 for the pair/game
Bibblow County Umpires Association 555-7303
September 23, 2008
For rent
Mail box #1021
Previous owners:
- Todd Pelkey, actor, Who Wants to Glue Things to a Millionaire?
- Johnny "Midnight" Bainbridge, QB, Hancock High School Spartans (1999-2003)
- Dorothy Whitmore, actress, Housekeeper Swap
Rental prices
Per hour: $3
Week-to-week: $65 per week
Manny 555-0042
September 22, 2008
September 21, 2008
Meetings
A Novel Concept book club
October meeting
Books to discuss:
The Encyclopedia of Grass Stains - Chocolate House Publishing
The Art of Drooling - Juan Mendoza
Celery sticks/ranch dressing: Ben
October 2, 7:30 p.m.
October meeting
Books to discuss:
The Encyclopedia of Grass Stains - Chocolate House Publishing
The Art of Drooling - Juan Mendoza
Celery sticks/ranch dressing: Ben
October 2, 7:30 p.m.
September 20, 2008
For sale
Football memorabilia for sale
Store-wide sale!!
Don Tankowski, Kansas City Aeros autographed jersey - $45
Patch of grass from 1981 Blue Bonnet Bowl - $30
Boob Sanderson bobblehead doll - $5
Chin strap worn by Johnny Unitas, autographed by my neighbor's son, Henry - $700
Bags of sweat:
* 1977 Super Bowl commemorative duffle bag (2 1/2 lbs.) - $150
* Canadian Football League draft day door prize bag (1 lb.) - $70
Tom's Collectibles 555-0228
Store-wide sale!!
Don Tankowski, Kansas City Aeros autographed jersey - $45
Patch of grass from 1981 Blue Bonnet Bowl - $30
Boob Sanderson bobblehead doll - $5
Chin strap worn by Johnny Unitas, autographed by my neighbor's son, Henry - $700
Bags of sweat:
* 1977 Super Bowl commemorative duffle bag (2 1/2 lbs.) - $150
* Canadian Football League draft day door prize bag (1 lb.) - $70
Tom's Collectibles 555-0228
September 19, 2008
Meetings
Jasper High School marching band
Full-band meeting
On the agenda:
* Where not to empty your spit valve
* The whereabouts of 2nd chair trumpet, Carl Danielson
Vegetable platters: french horns
September 28, 8:00 p.m.
Full-band meeting
On the agenda:
* Where not to empty your spit valve
* The whereabouts of 2nd chair trumpet, Carl Danielson
Vegetable platters: french horns
September 28, 8:00 p.m.
For sale
Children
Brandon and Jessica, age 5
* Brandon is a poo-thrower
$75 each or 2 for $120
Kevin & Linda 555-7207
Brandon and Jessica, age 5
* Brandon is a poo-thrower
$75 each or 2 for $120
Kevin & Linda 555-7207
September 18, 2008
WANTED
Fernando
Age: 7
Last seen: Mangrove Forest, 9/2/08
Wanted for: Chewing on/spitting out several lizards
Info: 555-9001
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