Help wanted

I need someone who can talk an old man out of a giant pile of leaves.

Must own either a broom or pool skimmer and have things of value to trade for leaves.


Hank  555-4014

Meetings

Car pool to work
Pre-2014 meeting

January 1, 8:30 a.m. in Corinne's driveway, next to her station wagon


Inspirational CD/portable CD player: Robert
Practice coffee: Hillary


* We'll also be filming several scenes for our new documentary 15 Minutes To Toll Plaza so please already be in makeup when you arrive.

For sale

New hockey photography prints by Gail now available!

"Late 2nd period"

$150 per print

Gail  555-8867 

For sale

Movies on VHS

* Orthopedic Back Pillow of a Salesman
* My Best Friend's Welding
* 4:30, Part 2
* Towed Vehicle at the Opera


$5 each or all four for $15
Mandy  555-4887

Events

Countdown to 2014 begins tonight at 11:00 p.m. at my place - 380 Feathers Blvd., Kaynesport.

* Ladies only *


Call for directions, among other things
Pete  555-3991

Services

Need someone to hold your place in a book?

Two options: I can either put my finger inside and close the book, or turn the book over and supervise the situation


- Five minutes or less: $4/book
- More than five minutes: $6/book

Terrence Maglio  555-7885

Services

Wrapping paper disposal service

* All of your wrapping paper eaten in 10 minutes or less or it's free!


Call for rates and availability
Gus & Tracy  555-6635

For sale

Wood

$7 each or all 27 pieces for $150
Roger  555-2110

** Ask about our payment plans **

Public Service Announcement

For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD

* Just Buy Me Something! - season 7
* Foot Stool Swap - seasons 1 & 2 (three-disc set)
* Are You Missing More Teeth Than A Second-Grader? - season 5
* Bowling Alleys: Buffalo
* Watch Me Drink Windshield Washer Fluid - final season


$5 each
Kenneth & Melinda  555-3993

Item found

Work ID badge

I recently found an ID badge in my mailbox.

I've been using it at work the last few days and asking everyone to call me John Cheatwood. It's been alright, but this new guy in the office, Stewart Cheatwood, said he knows I'm a fake Cheatwood and if I keep it up he'll tell the boss.

I feel like maybe being a Danny for a while anyway.

If the badge is yours, give me a call. No reward money is necessary, but I wouldn't mind a trade for some cough drops.


555-8711

Public Service Announcement

Openings

Ice Cube Museum & Tasting Tour
Grand re-opening!

* New exhibits featuring some of the oldest living ice cubes
* Tasting tours every 20 minutes: sample ice cubes from all over the world!
* History of Ice Cube Wars walking tour
* Ice cube tray photograph keepsakes: have your face superimposed on a set of cubes
* Glasses of iced tap water (complimentary)


And much more!
Call for museum hours and tickets: 555-7743

Obituary

Poog Cronin
1937-2013

Our beloved Poog, who presided over the first shampoo bottle-loofah sponge wedding in his bathroom, died doing what he loved: lying in a kiddie pool of grape juice. 

A political activist, Mr. Cronin was one of the leading advocates of S.P.C.M.L. (Separation of Pillow Cases and Meat Loaf) and the 1960s group What Time Is It Going To Be In 10 Minutes?!

Poog also was an early-round judge on the reality TV show Paul, Cut Your Toe Nails!

Played trumpet in the jazz quintet Oyster Ear and was part of the group's farewell show at a winter, 1993 benefit to raise awareness of snow.

Funeral services are set for Saturday at 5:00 p.m., then we're off to Tommy's Pub for movie trivia.