Public Service Announcement

Talk to your kids about hot dog ankles, before someone else does.

Call 555-4455 for more information.

Meetings

Plumptin High School 2010 Homecoming Dance
Committee meeting

On the agenda:

* Wheelbarrow rides to and from the gym begin at 6:00 p.m. the day of the dance
* Who is going to the dance with Mrs. Vanderells this year so Andrew doesn't have to again?


September 23, 4:00 p.m. in the media center

For sale

Grocery bill

- $31.93 due
- Free grape OR handshake from bag boy Eric with purchase (Eric's choice)
- Located at the Paysoon Grocery, Store #119, register 6


$25
Bill 555-7991

** Please, only serious offers **

Openings

Bunky's Used Video Games
Grand opening!



Fall, 2010 top sellers:

Lawnmower Thief
Jaywalk Olympics '04
Johnny Squirmer: Escape from Under the Sink
Captain Radish vs. Europe
Murray Schneider: Orthodontist


Bunky's - 556 Old Plumptin Avenue, East Plumptin

House for rent

1/9 BR
1 BATH/NUDGING ROOM
1 STEAK SAUCE POOL

* Arm hair collection free with rental agreement (over 1,000 hairs)
* Used in the filming of the 1999 music video Banana in the Mirror


$117/month
Pete 555-3322

For sale

Couch



* Near-mint condition
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV spinoff show How Much Change is in Brandon's Couch?!
* Spilled cocktail sauce on middle cushion free w/purchase


$40
Brandon 555-6993


* Dead squirrel (Otto) under left cushion sold separately *

Services

Air saxophone lessons

* Must provide own saxophone
* Special thumb-in-mouth tutorials (NEW!)
* Free audition tape at completion of lesson


$35/hour
Andrew 555-6617

Services

Janice McCullers
Psychiatrist for hire

"Let's punch the loony out of you"

* The voices inside my fireplace
* Fear of mashed potato riots
* Embellishing my cat's vertical leap
* Over-pointing
* "I hate my grandson's cough"
* Inadequacy in the coat room


Call 555-1121 to schedule an appointment

For sale

VHS


My Best Friend's Welting
Deodorant! The Musical
The Hand we Hid in the Cradle
The Last American Bandaid


$6 each
Tabitha 555-8008

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #117
Fall meeting

On the agenda:

- Where not to clip your toe nails
- Remembering Barry the Beefy's Bumblebee


September 17, 7:00 p.m.

Say hello to new cashier, Hillary: 7:25 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.

Missing pet

Geraldine

* Spider
* Missing since Monday
* Last seen on top of Grandpa Mel's head


555-3301

Announcements

Drunville Blastos Baseball
Additions to the 2010 promotional calendar

September 20: Artichoke Photograph Night
September 22: Bring Your Ernie to the Park
October 5: Shampoo Sample Night
October 7: Whip Sneakers at the Left Fielder
October 22: Ace Callaway replica asparagus wig (first 10,000 fans)
October 23: Sneeze on the Owner's Grandson


Call 555-DRUN for tickets

Religious visions

I discovered the image of our lord and savior, Rory Barfield, on my tube sock.

Witness this once-in-a-lifetime event only in my spare bedroom.



Artist's Rendering


* $100 per viewing
* Replica Rory Socks™ also available


1219 Kingstin Avenue, Kaynesport

Events

Plumptin Centipedes Semi-pro baseball
Post-season meeting/banquet


Banquet schedule:

6:45-7:00 p.m. - Coat removal
7:00-7:30 - Video screening of wet cement fight after last week's loss to Booey
7:30-7:50 - Q&A: wet cement fight
7:50-8:00 - What a 19-33 season means
8:00-9:00 - Dinner

- Various dry noodles
- Water

9:00-11:30 - Post-season awards

* Shortest walk to stage
* Most attractive/least attractive wife
* Purplest bruise
* Best smile
* Dislocation of the year

and more!


September 22 at the Cucumber Palace Restaurant - Hammond Grove location