Meetings

Calendar Watchers
Fall meeting


On the agenda:

* Days We Can Do Without with Dr. Elroy Riles, Part 6: July 17
* When is it going to be November?
* "The calendars are watching me": the institutionalization of former club president Callie Sanford


September 2, 1:00 p.m. at Rodney's apartment gazebo

For sale

Potato

* RARE *


$11
Caroline  555-8171

Announcements

Sandcastle building contest

The Bobby Classifieds - 18th place

For sale

Bottle of diet soda

* About 3/4 full
* Used in the filming of the documentary film Race You To The Worm Store 3
* Piece of tortilla chip at bottom free with purchase


$3
Aaron  555-0109

For rent

Spoon

$5/half hour
Patricia  555-2288

For sale

Reality TV on DVD

* Help! My Daughter Wants To Marry A Ventriloquist - Season 4
* Sealing Envelopes With The Stars - Final season
* Bus Stop: Orlando
* Get Me Down From This Chandelier! - Season 7


$6 each
Nadine  555-4494

Missing

Pepper

* Red
* Last seen Thursday in a salad
* Reward lettuce offered


Chip & Marjorie  555-3377

For sale

Three cockroaches

* Two dead, one nearly dead
* Cat food, tupperware and three ounces of water free with purchase
* Ask about our installment options


$10 each or all three for $25
Abe  555-2211

For sale

Asparagus

* Used in the production of the hit play Asparagus!


$3 each or both for $5
Kevin  555-0392

For sale

Hair




* Human *


$.20 per hair or $15 for the whole pile
Janet 555-3219

Events

Derwood Charities
Upcoming events

August 27 - Clothe the Goldfish fundraiser at East Vanderells Theater
September 3 - Peggy Cliff benefit concert to help raise awareness of rain (Kaynesport Amphitheater)
September 14 - Feed The Couch Cushions fundraiser at Fishbine Hall & Cafeteria
September 22 - Find the Leaves a Home fundraiser at East Vanderells Theater
October 6 - The Mossy People benefit concert to help bring an end to the senseless destruction of tissues (Kaynesport Amphitheater)
October 28 - Stop Shampoo Drinking: intervention with Reverend Donnie Craig at Feathers Street Baptist Church
November 2 - Forehead benefit concert to help raise awareness of benefit concerts (Plumptin Auditorium)


Call for tickets
Derwood Charities 555-4491

Public Service Announcement

Meetings

8th Street Laundromat
Staff meeting

Items to discuss:

* Customers are not allowed to take home their driers
* Cigarettes for Socks Thursdays have been postponed indefinitely
* The restrooms are for humans only


Monday morning, 9:00 a.m.

Public Service Announcement

You can prevent your branches from leaving the tree and turning to a life on the streets.

Call 555-3399 to find out how you can make a difference.

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #73
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* There is no such thing as a "puzzled look at the menu" fee
* Meet our new assistant manager in charge of encouraging/discouraging nods, Meredith Handler
* The birthday song does not include the phrase "ugliest guy around"


August 20, 9:00 a.m.

Services

Dishwashing detergent taste-tester for hire


Call for rates and availability
Stephen  555-3771

For sale

Used reference books by Chocolate House Publishing


* Idiot's Guide to the Front Door
* Illustrated History of the Shoulder Shrug
* Essays by Guys Named Reggie - 2nd edition


$8 each
Linda  555-3401 

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #184
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* There's no such thing as a "more than two kids tax"
* Making customers do a certain number of jumping jacks to receive their meal was not on the training video


August 15, 10:00 a.m.

For rent

Shorts pocket




$7/hour
Rebecca 555-8187

"Go ahead, put some things in it!"

- anonymous

For sale

Sunflower seeds

* Approximately 200 available
* Ask about our layaway plans


Ronald & Diane  555-0022

For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD

* Tennis Racket Swap - Season 2
* Watch Me Eat Potato Chips - Season 5
* Online Bowling With the Stars - Season 3
* Who Won't Get Kidnapped?! - Season 5 (w/outtakes)


$6 each
Greg  555-3871

Public Service Announcement

Help us put an end to pay phone-on-pay phone crime






Call 555-2114

Meetings

Clock Watcher's Society - Plumptin chapter

August meeting

On the agenda:

* Vacation schedule for Wednesday, August 15:

- Lyle 10:00 a.m. - 11:30 a.m.

- Precious 2:00 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.

- K'Ondre 3:05 p.m. - 4:05 p.m.

* What we liked/what could be changed about Sunday at 7:30 a.m.

* When is it going to be 8:30?

August 11, 1:00 p.m. at headquarters

Meetings

Friends of Sasha Henkley
August meeting


On the agenda:

* Sasha's new pinkies
* Who is driving Sasha's grandmother to her calligraphy class, September 2?
* Sasha Fest IV: we still need judges for the hamster toss & soy sauce dunk tank


August 13, 6:00 p.m. at David & Vanessa's house

Announcements

Drunville Blastos Baseball
Additions to 2012 promotional calendar

August 11 - Blastos Mini Helmet of Glue
August 28 - Paper Bag Night
September 5 - Light Switch Night (1st 10,000 fans)
September 6 - Throw Spinach at the Bat Boy
September 12 - Mayonnaise Packet Day
September 13 - Ice Cube Tray Night


Call 555-DRUN for tickets

Meetings

Jaytwon County 10-year old summer baseball
Post-season team meeting


On the agenda:

* Coach Thompson: "what a 5-13 season means."
* Where on the infield did we bury coach Winston's knee brace?
* Post-season awards to be given out:

- Runniest nose
- Mom with worst breath
- Bloody Nose Award
- Worst bunt attempt


August 11, 7:00 p.m. at Kaynesport Banquet Hall, room 315

Missing

Broom



* Brown
* Last seen: helping sweep the back porch on July 26 at around 3:30 p.m.
* He's never been away from his handle, we're very worried
* Reward $$ offered


Steve & Carol 555-6119

Services

Need toothpaste applied to a toothbrush?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

For sale

Tea bag

* Comes with three ounces of water (tea-flavored)
* Used in the filming of the 2012 documentary Grandpa Spilled His Tea Again


$1
Bruce  555-9338

For sale

Grape

$2 or best offer
Sal  555-7663

New Bobby T-Shirts Available

"Show Me Your Ranch Goggles"


S, M, XM, L, XL - $10 each
Email derwoodmorris@gmail.com to order