Reality TV on DVD
Bag Boys: Chicago
Chinese Buffet - Season 1
We're Living In An Oak Tree! - Season 3
Make Me A Quesadilla! - Complete Series
$10 each
Trent 555-3228
February 28, 2011
Meetings
The People on Amanda Klein's Roof
March meeting
On the agenda:
* Somersaulting on the northeast end is prohibited until we install the soccer goal on March 20
March meeting
On the agenda:
* Somersaulting on the northeast end is prohibited until we install the soccer goal on March 20
* Does Amanda's new field hockey coach wear the same shirt every day?: Q&A
* Our field trip to Amanda's middle school bus seat has been moved to April 3
March 4, 1:00 p.m.
* Our field trip to Amanda's middle school bus seat has been moved to April 3
March 4, 1:00 p.m.
February 27, 2011
For sale
Domain names
www.moviescriptmadness.bcm/thingswelostinthebarbecuesauce
www.paymont.edu/intercollegiateathletics/asparagusfencing
www.mashedpotatofights.org
www.moviescriptmadness.bcm/thingswelostinthebarbecuesauce
www.paymont.edu/intercollegiateathletics/asparagusfencing
www.mashedpotatofights.org
www.jasonsivemet.com/jason_bergeron
www.ithinkthatskittypoo.blogspot.com
www.realitytvhistory.blogspot.com/getmymommatochurch
www.firecustodianmarianne.com
www.jasonsivemet.com/jason_hartley
$6 each
Andrea 555-0044
www.ithinkthatskittypoo.blogspot.com
www.realitytvhistory.blogspot.com/getmymommatochurch
www.firecustodianmarianne.com
www.jasonsivemet.com/jason_hartley
$6 each
Andrea 555-0044
February 26, 2011
Child for sale
Daniel
Age: 7
Favorite food: Salt packets and orange peels
Sleeps: about 45 minutes per night in a wheelbarrow in the garage
Pluses: Burps at a fourth-grade level
Minuses: Has been caught on more than one occasion eating mud; terrible basketball player
What he wants to be when he grows up: A talking acorn
** Received "Worst Solo" and "Largest Mom" at 2010 elementary chorus awards banquet **
$300
Evan & Jenna 555-6115
* Interesting trades for kittens considered *
Age: 7
Favorite food: Salt packets and orange peels
Sleeps: about 45 minutes per night in a wheelbarrow in the garage
Pluses: Burps at a fourth-grade level
Minuses: Has been caught on more than one occasion eating mud; terrible basketball player
What he wants to be when he grows up: A talking acorn
** Received "Worst Solo" and "Largest Mom" at 2010 elementary chorus awards banquet **
$300
Evan & Jenna 555-6115
* Interesting trades for kittens considered *
February 25, 2011
For sale
Vinyl record albums
There Used To Be A Bald Spot - Peggy Cliff
Waiter, There's A Sneaker In My Soup - The Mossy People
Celery Fights - Ernie Clyde
Greatest Hits, Volume 6 - Caramelized Back Brace
$5 each
Bernie 555-9881
There Used To Be A Bald Spot - Peggy Cliff
Waiter, There's A Sneaker In My Soup - The Mossy People
Celery Fights - Ernie Clyde
Greatest Hits, Volume 6 - Caramelized Back Brace
$5 each
Bernie 555-9881
February 24, 2011
February 23, 2011
Meetings
Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #91
Staff meeting
Item on the agenda:
Staff meeting
Item on the agenda:
* Put on your name tag after you put on your work shirt
February 24, 9:30 a.m.
February 24, 9:30 a.m.
February 22, 2011
For sale
Magazines
Banana Peel Wig Maker (May, 2000)
Dandruff Europe (September, 1994; November, 1994; January, 1995 - w/special "Men of Considerable Dandruff" pull-out calendar)
What Time Is It? (April, 1999 - 3:15 and 7:40 double issue)
$2 each
Eddie 555-0100
Banana Peel Wig Maker (May, 2000)
Dandruff Europe (September, 1994; November, 1994; January, 1995 - w/special "Men of Considerable Dandruff" pull-out calendar)
What Time Is It? (April, 1999 - 3:15 and 7:40 double issue)
$2 each
Eddie 555-0100
Meetings
Kerwin Times
Staff meeting
Item to discuss:
* The obituary page is not for spoiled fruit
February 23, 12:00 p.m.
Staff meeting
Item to discuss:
* The obituary page is not for spoiled fruit
February 23, 12:00 p.m.
February 21, 2011
Personal ads
MEN SEEKING WOMEN
SWM, age 34. Looking for a woman who doesn't have a problem with a man who owns and has named over 400 salamanders.
Eric box 67709
Let's make a you and her sandwich. You bring her, I'll bring the giant tomatoes.
Brent box 88226
I need a ride to the worm store.
Elroy box 05598
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
I've had several relationships end in Dollar Hut parking lots. Looking for a man who doesn't work at Dollar Hut.
Tamika box 40402
SBF, age 42. Let's get together and start a family (of chipmunks).
Brianna box 33757
I have my ex-husband's name tattooed on my body. His name is Vince.
Looking for a man named Vince or Vincent.
Beverly box 71222
OTHER
Single, white refrigerator. Empty.
Gary box 11708
SWM, age 34. Looking for a woman who doesn't have a problem with a man who owns and has named over 400 salamanders.
Eric box 67709
Let's make a you and her sandwich. You bring her, I'll bring the giant tomatoes.
Brent box 88226
I need a ride to the worm store.
Elroy box 05598
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
I've had several relationships end in Dollar Hut parking lots. Looking for a man who doesn't work at Dollar Hut.
Tamika box 40402
SBF, age 42. Let's get together and start a family (of chipmunks).
Brianna box 33757
I have my ex-husband's name tattooed on my body. His name is Vince.
Looking for a man named Vince or Vincent.
Beverly box 71222
OTHER
Single, white refrigerator. Empty.
Gary box 11708
February 20, 2011
Cat for sale
Willard

Age: 7
We used to be so close, but ever since he found that ant hill on the front lawn he acts like he's too good for me. It's time for both of us to move on with our lives.
* Starred in the made-for-TV movie Karate Cat
* Some thrown-up rubber bands free with purchase
$15
Brandon 555-3448
Age: 7
We used to be so close, but ever since he found that ant hill on the front lawn he acts like he's too good for me. It's time for both of us to move on with our lives.
* Starred in the made-for-TV movie Karate Cat
* Some thrown-up rubber bands free with purchase
$15
Brandon 555-3448
For sale
Beefy's Fast Food Hut bill
- $5.54 owed
- Comes with three napkins
- I'm at the Beefy's drive-thru window at store #67
Anthony 555-1121
- $5.54 owed
- Comes with three napkins
- I'm at the Beefy's drive-thru window at store #67
Anthony 555-1121
February 19, 2011
February 18, 2011
For sale
Car
- Unknown make/model
- 205,000 miles
- Used in the filming of the 2006 movie Things We Lost In The Potato Salad
$130
Garrett 555-4640
- Unknown make/model
- 205,000 miles
- Used in the filming of the 2006 movie Things We Lost In The Potato Salad
$130
Garrett 555-4640
February 17, 2011
Meetings
Laphonso's Burger Hut - Store #31
Staff meeting
On the agenda:
* We're shutting down the onion ring frier until Samantha's pinkie turns up
* How long has the microwave been on fire?
* Please do not give free piercings at the drive thru window
February 19, 10:00 a.m.
Staff meeting
On the agenda:
* We're shutting down the onion ring frier until Samantha's pinkie turns up
* How long has the microwave been on fire?
* Please do not give free piercings at the drive thru window
February 19, 10:00 a.m.
February 16, 2011
Services
Psychiatrist for hire
"Tell me where the crazy hurts"
* The voices underneath your eyebrows
* Hot dog bun tattoo regret
* Giant spoons invade Soup City
* Fear of drawings of cockroaches
* "I make cheese dip and then I pour it into my backpack"
Call for rates and availability
Debbie 555-7007
"Tell me where the crazy hurts"
* The voices underneath your eyebrows
* Hot dog bun tattoo regret
* Giant spoons invade Soup City
* Fear of drawings of cockroaches
* "I make cheese dip and then I pour it into my backpack"
Call for rates and availability
Debbie 555-7007
February 15, 2011
TV listings
Check out WDER's new Tuesday lineup!
REALITY TV
Will Anyone Date My Father? - 8:00 p.m.
Mr. Peek's dinner date ends prematurely when his toupee falls into the cream of mushroom soup. Plus: Eric's dad shows up to his date with Claire wearing his socks over his boots.
America's Got Stomachaches - 9:00 p.m.
Bryson has a stomachache.
On The Market - 10:00 p.m.
In the season finale, Janessa has trouble selling Wayne's ride-on lawnmower with the raccoon head stuck in the blade, and the Buckleys can't find any takers for their son, Ronald.
LATE-NIGHT MOVIE - 11:00 p.m.
Broken Arm Rest of the Opera
5:55 a.m. - Reading Potato Chip Ingredients With Kevin
REALITY TV
Will Anyone Date My Father? - 8:00 p.m.
Mr. Peek's dinner date ends prematurely when his toupee falls into the cream of mushroom soup. Plus: Eric's dad shows up to his date with Claire wearing his socks over his boots.
America's Got Stomachaches - 9:00 p.m.
Bryson has a stomachache.
On The Market - 10:00 p.m.
In the season finale, Janessa has trouble selling Wayne's ride-on lawnmower with the raccoon head stuck in the blade, and the Buckleys can't find any takers for their son, Ronald.
LATE-NIGHT MOVIE - 11:00 p.m.
Broken Arm Rest of the Opera
5:55 a.m. - Reading Potato Chip Ingredients With Kevin
February 14, 2011
Meetings
Friends of Ben Kentley
February meeting
On the agenda:
* The opening of Ben Land: Q&A
* Last Thursday's surprise party aftermath: apologizing to Ken Bentley and his roommate at the nursing home
* Our field trip to Ben's middle school gym locker has been moved to March 3
February 15, 2:00 p.m.
February meeting
On the agenda:
* The opening of Ben Land: Q&A
* Last Thursday's surprise party aftermath: apologizing to Ken Bentley and his roommate at the nursing home
* Our field trip to Ben's middle school gym locker has been moved to March 3
February 15, 2:00 p.m.
February 13, 2011
For sale
Pet store bill
* $26.73 owed
* I'm at Pete's Pets on Claymore Street, register 6
* Goldfish free w/purchase
Joel 555-2219
* $26.73 owed
* I'm at Pete's Pets on Claymore Street, register 6
* Goldfish free w/purchase
Joel 555-2219
February 12, 2011
Announcements
Kaynesport Buffaloes Baseball
Additions to promotional calendar
May 6: Scotch Tape Day
May 7: Throw Things at the General Manager's Son
June 11: Bring Your Rabbit to the Park
June 27: Burt Benton Autographed Sock Night
July 9: Cardboard Box Day
Call 555-7747 for tickets
Additions to promotional calendar
May 6: Scotch Tape Day
May 7: Throw Things at the General Manager's Son
June 11: Bring Your Rabbit to the Park
June 27: Burt Benton Autographed Sock Night
July 9: Cardboard Box Day
Call 555-7747 for tickets
February 11, 2011
Meetings
Ike's Ice Cream
Staff meeting
Items to discuss:
* Top soil is not one of our toppings
* Please stop accepting crayons as currency
February 12, 10:00 a.m.
Staff meeting
Items to discuss:
* Top soil is not one of our toppings
* Please stop accepting crayons as currency
February 12, 10:00 a.m.
February 10, 2011
For sale
Used perfumes/colognes
* Animosity by Dirk Callaway
* Sauerkraut
* Spinach by Melvin Shane
* Verfaulen Rengenwurm
$10 each
Bob 555-2323
* Animosity by Dirk Callaway
* Sauerkraut
* Spinach by Melvin Shane
* Verfaulen Rengenwurm
$10 each
Bob 555-2323
February 9, 2011
For sale
T-shirts
- "Check Book Keepers-Arena Tour 2006"
- "I Was Wheelbarrowed Out Of Callahans Bar & Grill"
- Blue w/Russian dressing stain
- "Shampoo! The Musical: Live at Plumptin Hall"
- "Hiccup Fest '83"
$6 each
Bryson 555-6100
- "Check Book Keepers-Arena Tour 2006"
- "I Was Wheelbarrowed Out Of Callahans Bar & Grill"
- Blue w/Russian dressing stain
- "Shampoo! The Musical: Live at Plumptin Hall"
- "Hiccup Fest '83"
$6 each
Bryson 555-6100
Obituary
Dorothy Baines
1908-2011
Well, the old nut finally died. Dorothy was one of the original members of the air guitar quartet Finger Lickin and formed the political activist group S.O.P. (Separation of Owl and Pasta). She died doing what she loved: shouting at a toll booth operator. Funeral services are set for February 10 at 4:00 p.m., then it's off to Holy Bowling! for league night.
1908-2011
Well, the old nut finally died. Dorothy was one of the original members of the air guitar quartet Finger Lickin and formed the political activist group S.O.P. (Separation of Owl and Pasta). She died doing what she loved: shouting at a toll booth operator. Funeral services are set for February 10 at 4:00 p.m., then it's off to Holy Bowling! for league night.
February 8, 2011
For sale
Artichokes

* Used in the filming of Peggy Cliff's 2009 music video ArtichOK
$10 each or both for $15
Lunch! Records 555-4301

* Used in the filming of Peggy Cliff's 2009 music video ArtichOK
$10 each or both for $15
Lunch! Records 555-4301
February 7, 2011
Meetings Posted
Meetings at Kaynesport Hall - Annex B
The People Under Andrea Fleming's Stairs
* Field trip to the boiler room moved to March 7
Fake Sneezer's Anonymous
* Meeting moved to February 9
Lettuce War Recreation Society
* February 10 rehearsal canceled
Wheelbarrow Basketball
* Team 6 practice moved to February 8 at 6:00 p.m.
To post a meeting call 555-4401
The People Under Andrea Fleming's Stairs
* Field trip to the boiler room moved to March 7
Fake Sneezer's Anonymous
* Meeting moved to February 9
Lettuce War Recreation Society
* February 10 rehearsal canceled
Wheelbarrow Basketball
* Team 6 practice moved to February 8 at 6:00 p.m.
To post a meeting call 555-4401
February 6, 2011
Services
Iguana for hire

Vince
Age: 5
* 22-inch tail
* Star of 2008 documentary Waiter, There's an Iguana in my Soup! - The Closing of Rosita's
* Great listener/biter
$25/hour
555-3531
Vince
Age: 5
* 22-inch tail
* Star of 2008 documentary Waiter, There's an Iguana in my Soup! - The Closing of Rosita's
* Great listener/biter
$25/hour
555-3531
February 5, 2011
February 4, 2011
February 3, 2011
February 2, 2011
Services
Nedford, Sally & Polo
Attorneys at Law
* Felony pick-and-run
* Impersonating a police car
* Wrongful slipper massaging
* Shampoo custody
* I.C.I.U.I. (ice cube insulting under the influence)
* Resisting Ernests
Call for rates and availability
555-3019
Attorneys at Law
* Felony pick-and-run
* Impersonating a police car
* Wrongful slipper massaging
* Shampoo custody
* I.C.I.U.I. (ice cube insulting under the influence)
* Resisting Ernests
Call for rates and availability
555-3019
Openings
Dennis Office Opening
"You've trialed the otters, now trial the best!"
- Calvary filmings
- Winston teeths
- Bowlers
** Free fross **
48 Delwood Ave, Kaynesport
"You've trialed the otters, now trial the best!"
- Calvary filmings
- Winston teeths
- Bowlers
** Free fross **
48 Delwood Ave, Kaynesport
February 1, 2011
Meetings
Pete & Pete Pizza
Staff meeting
On the agenda:
* Rubber bands are not a topping
* 'Dough conditioner' has nothing to do with pouring things into a customer's hair and scrubbing
* The birthday song does not include the phrase "bunch of losers"
February 2, 1:00 p.m.
Staff meeting
On the agenda:
* Rubber bands are not a topping
* 'Dough conditioner' has nothing to do with pouring things into a customer's hair and scrubbing
* The birthday song does not include the phrase "bunch of losers"
February 2, 1:00 p.m.
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