Services

Professional pointer for hire

"Let me point at something for you"

* Over 25 years of experience
* Once pointed at a group of pigeons for six minutes, thirty-seven seconds (at the time a national record)
* Appeared as an extra on the 2011 TV infomercial Pointing at Produce With Paul


Call for prices and availability
Bryce  555-1881


** Coming May, 2013: pointing at falling rain/rain puddles **

For sale

Chicken bone

$3
Hector  555-9334

Wanted

I'm looking to buy one bowling pin, new or used.

* Serious offers only *

Jarrett  555-3220

New products

Get your very own Bobby Classifieds-brand lettuce toupee™!

$10 each
email derwoodmorris@gmail.com to order

Meetings

Friends of Rory Bainbridge
March meeting

On the agenda:

* Last month's accidental surprise party for Lori Bainbridge: Q&A
* The field trip to Rory's middle school cafeteria has been moved to April 25th


March 29, 4:30 p.m. at Candace's apartment

Missing

Leaf



* Brown
* Last seen Sunday on the front lawn


555-9118

For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD


* Bus Stop: Albany
* Let's Glue Raw Spaghetti To That Old Man - Final season
* Adult Softball Umpire Wives - Season 2 w/extra disc of special features
* Microwave Swap - Seasons 4 & 5


$5 each
Fran  555-8808

For rent

Bagel

$6/half hour
Darren  555-4997

For hire

Graffiti artist for hire

* Specializing in upper case letters *

Call for rates and availability
Yub  555-2007


"I'll tag my name on anything."

- Yub, 2/17/2012

For sale

Bill from some recent roof work

* $370 owed
* I'm at my house (8425 Pepano Circle in Eggs Valley), a few feet away from the driveway. I'll be waving with one hand and pointing at the roof with the other
* One used gutter piece and one garbage bag of leaves free with purchase


$340 or best offer
Nathaniel  555-6637

For sale

Vinyl records


* Stairway to Unfinished Basement - The Rolsens
* The Below-Average Mrs. Ripley: Soundtrack - Various artists
* I Saw Mommy Sanding Santa Claus - Peggy Cliff
* Fire Ant Hills in the Outfield: Soundtrack - Various artists


$7 each
Taye  555-7991

Religious visions

A vision of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ appeared on my front lawn.

Viewings available now and until the end of June.


* $175 per viewing
* Chunks of Jesus Grass also available


4400 Yaycheeze Avenue, Kaynesport

Services

Need help spelling a word?

A-through-R: $2 each
S-through-Z: $3 each


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Wanted

I'm looking to purchase a right-footed high-heeled shoe, preferably a size 12 women's.

Doesn't matter what color it is.

Will pay as much as $10 or the equivalent in cat food and/or cats.


Rebecca  555-3664

For sale

Water

* Brown w/four worms
* Wheelbarrow sold separately
* Water sold in small paper cups or poured into pants pockets


Looking to sell the whole lot, call for pricing list
Yaycheeze Construction Co.  555-3003

For sale

Ice cubes

* Six available
* Interesting trades for tap water considered


$1 each or all six for $5
Henrietta  555-7223

For sale

Couch

* Cushions sold separately
* Four corn chips & cat hair (about one handful) free with purchase


$27
Keith  555-8817

For sale

Acorns

$3 each or all six for $15
Linda  555-3402

Meetings

Competitive paper clip eating
Team Randall pre-regional finals meeting

On the agenda:

* Binder clips: Q&A
* Randall is in the hospital after a near-fatal paper clip overdose. What is going to be our new team name?
* For transportation to the finals we are not taking Hillary's car made of paper clips


March 15, 2:30 p.m. at Juwan & Erin's condo

For sale

Used play scripts

* Break Dancing Celery: The Musical
* The Phantom of the Youth Basketball Parent's Meeting
* How Much Change is in My Couch?!
* (Would You Look At That? It's) Mayonnaise Face!
* The Parking lot Attendant of the Opera


$9 each
Valerie  555-3994

For sale

House plant

$6 or best offer
Claire  555-0112

Public Service Announcement

Let's make 2013 the year the bagels get eaten.

Call 555-2857 to find out how you can make a difference.

Disconnections

I offered you half of my sandwich multiple times at the mall food court the other day and I noticed you couldn't take your eyes off of me.

What flavor soft drink did I spill on your shoe?


Dale  555-4330

For rent

Vacuum cleaner

* Appeared in the hit reality TV show Humans vs. Vacuums: Reunion
* Free instructional pamphlets with rental agreement:

- "Where Do You Plug This Thing In?"
- "Don't Bring A Vacuum Into The Shower"


$7/half hour
Walter  555-2440

Services

Need help with a crossword puzzle?

* Vertical: $.50 each
* Horizontal: $.55 each


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Missing

Banana peel



* Yellow
* Missing since Monday
* Reward $$ offered


Jessica 555-3883

Meetings

Arnie's Art Supplies
Staff meeting

On the agenda:

* We do not accept dollar amounts drawn in charcoal on a canvas as currency
* Cashiers Javy, Iris & Maureen: the "colored pencils are in my nose" joke at the register is no longer funny
* There is no such thing as a 'with child tax'


March 6, 9:00 a.m.

For sale

Croutons

$.70 each or $4 for all six
Gail  555-3761

For sale

Money order

* Worth $36.50
* Made out to "Kaynesport Gas"
* Receipt free with purchase


$40
Kenneth  555-8007

Opportunities

You want to go to Mars?

I've built a spaceship and I'm flying to Mars sometime in April.

* One seat available (ladies only)
* Call in the next 30 minutes to book a seat and receive one free hug
* Pre-flight meet-and-greet at my house, March 27 at 11:00 p.m.


Jeremy  555-3049

Openings

Game Trough 2
Grand opening!


We have some of the year's hottest games, including:

* Chinese Buffet 2013
* Retirement Home: Square Dance
* The Legend of Ernie and Ernie's co-worker, Adrian
* Harley and the Chalk Lip Factory
* Pointing At Leaves With Steve: The Video Game


Game Trough 2 - 310 Windsor Way, West Plumptin