Reality TV shows on DVD
* Adult Roller Hockey Wives - Final season w/deleted scenes
* Now Whose Got Pink Eye? - Season 2
* Let's Glue Things To Linda
* Sleep Apnea Mask Swap - Season 1
* Middle School Gym Teachers: Hartford
$8 each
Erin 555-6881
June 30, 2013
June 29, 2013
For rent
Plastic cup
$6/hour
Joe 555-4228
** All-you-can-drink tap water coupon free with rental agreement **
$6/hour
Joe 555-4228
** All-you-can-drink tap water coupon free with rental agreement **
June 28, 2013
June 27, 2013
Services
Handy man for hire
I can perform a variety of odd jobs, including:
* Avocado pit appraiser
* Wearing a poncho and galoshes into the shower: a tutorial
* Personal nodder
* Giving individual names to all of the staples in your stapler
* Filling the bath tub with bird seed
* Welcome mats: Q&A
* "Let's ride our bicycles over to that lady and chew on her ears"
* Filling the bath tub with taco shells AND bird seed
Call for rates and availability
Chuck 555-6019
I can perform a variety of odd jobs, including:
* Avocado pit appraiser
* Wearing a poncho and galoshes into the shower: a tutorial
* Personal nodder
* Giving individual names to all of the staples in your stapler
* Filling the bath tub with bird seed
* Welcome mats: Q&A
* "Let's ride our bicycles over to that lady and chew on her ears"
* Filling the bath tub with taco shells AND bird seed
Call for rates and availability
Chuck 555-6019
June 26, 2013
Services
Is someone claiming you filled their mailbox with apple sauce then fled the scene?
Have you had trouble with thumb tacks evasion?
Were you caught giving dance lessons to a house plant while wearing a possum mask?
Are you literally being framed?
Roland, Beezer & Rondo Law Offices
Call for hourly rates 555-6647
Have you had trouble with thumb tacks evasion?
Were you caught giving dance lessons to a house plant while wearing a possum mask?
Are you literally being framed?
Roland, Beezer & Rondo Law Offices
Call for hourly rates 555-6647
June 25, 2013
For sale
Two coupons
* $.60 off shampoo
* $.40 off 12-ounce bottle of soy sauce
* Both are quite rare
$7 for the pair or $4 each
Janice 555-8924
* $.60 off shampoo
* $.40 off 12-ounce bottle of soy sauce
* Both are quite rare
$7 for the pair or $4 each
Janice 555-8924
June 24, 2013
Meetings
Men Without Shoes
Summer meeting
On the agenda:
* Seriously, what happened to all of our shoes?
* Last Friday's date night with the Women Without Mouthwash: what went wrong
* Meet-and-greet with 2013's honorary member, Donavan Lyle-the man without feet
July 1, 7:30 p.m. near the mailboxes at Ernie's apartment complex
Summer meeting
On the agenda:
* Seriously, what happened to all of our shoes?
* Last Friday's date night with the Women Without Mouthwash: what went wrong
* Meet-and-greet with 2013's honorary member, Donavan Lyle-the man without feet
July 1, 7:30 p.m. near the mailboxes at Ernie's apartment complex
June 23, 2013
Wanted
I'm looking to purchase 40 staples for a project I'm working on.
Will pay as much as $.05 for each staple.
Jill 555-8775
Will pay as much as $.05 for each staple.
Jill 555-8775
June 22, 2013
Services
Advice lady for hire
* What not to shout at an elementary school play
* Wearing a full football uniform into the shower
* Don't brush your teeth with mayonnaise
* Goldfish don't eat pretzels
* You can't take a mouse trap to a gun fight
* Don't pressure wash your back porch with salsa
* Making an omelet out of a molehill
Call for rates and availability
Maureen 555-4221
* What not to shout at an elementary school play
* Wearing a full football uniform into the shower
* Don't brush your teeth with mayonnaise
* Goldfish don't eat pretzels
* You can't take a mouse trap to a gun fight
* Don't pressure wash your back porch with salsa
* Making an omelet out of a molehill
Call for rates and availability
Maureen 555-4221
June 21, 2013
For sale
Ant farm
* 51 ants still alive
* Appeared in the reality TV show Did You Have To Bring Your Ant Farm?
$1 per ant or $45 for entire farm
Eddie 555-3229
* 51 ants still alive
* Appeared in the reality TV show Did You Have To Bring Your Ant Farm?
$1 per ant or $45 for entire farm
Eddie 555-3229
June 20, 2013
Meetings
Kaynesport Historical Society
Annual meeting
On the agenda:
* Historic events Q&A: The Battle of Kaynesport Historical Society Restrooms of 2010
* Archiving past laundry detergent-drinking contests
* We still need volunteers for the August 25th grand opening of the Museum of No Air Conditioning
June 25, 5:00 p.m. at the Biagioni St. headquarters building
Annual meeting
On the agenda:
* Historic events Q&A: The Battle of Kaynesport Historical Society Restrooms of 2010
* Archiving past laundry detergent-drinking contests
* We still need volunteers for the August 25th grand opening of the Museum of No Air Conditioning
June 25, 5:00 p.m. at the Biagioni St. headquarters building
June 19, 2013
Missing
My work ID badge
Last seen Monday attached to my belt.
I've already been called 'Gene' by two different co-workers. I think it may be because of the badge. Any information, please give me a call.
* Reward office supplies offered *
Gino 555-8834
Last seen Monday attached to my belt.
I've already been called 'Gene' by two different co-workers. I think it may be because of the badge. Any information, please give me a call.
* Reward office supplies offered *
Gino 555-8834
June 18, 2013
June 17, 2013
For hire
Graffiti artist for hire
* Voted "Best 'A'" 2009-2011
Call for rates and availability
Tana 555-6649
"You won't be disappointed."
- Tana, 5/3/13
* Voted "Best 'A'" 2009-2011
Call for rates and availability
Tana 555-6649
"You won't be disappointed."
- Tana, 5/3/13
June 16, 2013
For sale
Used books
- Blindfolds For Dummies
- The Ultimate Guide To This Book
- Championship Prison Miniature Golf Teams
- Egg Salad Sandwich, Interrupted
$4 each
Claire 555-9177
- Blindfolds For Dummies
- The Ultimate Guide To This Book
- Championship Prison Miniature Golf Teams
- Egg Salad Sandwich, Interrupted
$4 each
Claire 555-9177
June 15, 2013
Wanted
I'm looking to buy a left-footed sneaker, preferably a size 10 men's.
Will pay as much as $6 or, if interested, the equivalent in losing scratch-off lottery tickets.
Adam 555-1678
Will pay as much as $6 or, if interested, the equivalent in losing scratch-off lottery tickets.
Adam 555-1678
June 14, 2013
For sale
Reality TV shows on DVD
* Get My Grandpa Down From There! - season 2 w/bonus disc
* The Real Bird's Nests of the Kaynesport Public Library
* Defibrillator Swap - season 4 w/outtakes
* Does Your Little Brother Have To Be Here? - season 1
* Bag Boys: Cincinnati
$7 each
Bethany 555-3391
* Get My Grandpa Down From There! - season 2 w/bonus disc
* The Real Bird's Nests of the Kaynesport Public Library
* Defibrillator Swap - season 4 w/outtakes
* Does Your Little Brother Have To Be Here? - season 1
* Bag Boys: Cincinnati
$7 each
Bethany 555-3391
June 13, 2013
For rent
Refrigerator space
I've got a small corner in the back of my refrigerator available if you need to store some food and/or drink.
* Refrigerator is in close proximity to ceiling leak 3
* For a limited time, 1/2 head of lettuce available with rental agreement
Greg 555-2201
I've got a small corner in the back of my refrigerator available if you need to store some food and/or drink.
* Refrigerator is in close proximity to ceiling leak 3
* For a limited time, 1/2 head of lettuce available with rental agreement
Greg 555-2201
June 12, 2013
Services
Need letters typed on your computer?
* A-through-H: $.30 each
* I-through-V: $.45 each
* And coming July, 2013: W-through-Z and the numbers 4, 7 & 8
Moe Jagglyo 555-7000
* A-through-H: $.30 each
* I-through-V: $.45 each
* And coming July, 2013: W-through-Z and the numbers 4, 7 & 8
Moe Jagglyo 555-7000
June 11, 2013
Personal ads
Door for home
Single, white door.
Been knocked on over 3,000 times (12 Halloweens on my resume) and my peep hole has been painted over, but I'm more than ready to be opened and closed.
Darryl box 84972
Ice cube for freezer
Clear, about 45 minutes old. I have no problem being part of a group (drinks, ice packs).
I want to be in your freezer. Call me.
Crystal box 33001
Single, white door.
Been knocked on over 3,000 times (12 Halloweens on my resume) and my peep hole has been painted over, but I'm more than ready to be opened and closed.
Darryl box 84972
Ice cube for freezer
Clear, about 45 minutes old. I have no problem being part of a group (drinks, ice packs).
I want to be in your freezer. Call me.
Crystal box 33001
June 10, 2013
For sale
Oil change bill
* $29.95 due
* I'm at Tire Guys, store #38, at register six in an orange shirt and brown pants. I'll be waving.
* Free receipt/tire rotation coupon with purchase
$20 or best offer
Ted 555-2004
* $29.95 due
* I'm at Tire Guys, store #38, at register six in an orange shirt and brown pants. I'll be waving.
* Free receipt/tire rotation coupon with purchase
$20 or best offer
Ted 555-2004
June 9, 2013
For hire
Gravel-eating contest champion for hire
* Won national titles in 1983, 1998 and 2004
* Must provide your own gravel
* Now also competitively eating sawdust & leaves
Call for prices and availability
Gus 555-3306
* Won national titles in 1983, 1998 and 2004
* Must provide your own gravel
* Now also competitively eating sawdust & leaves
Call for prices and availability
Gus 555-3306
June 8, 2013
Public Service Announcement
Don't let your tractor get mixed up with the wrong part of the woods.
Call F.A.T.T. (Farmers Against Tractors & Trees) at 555-0661 to find out how you can help.
June 7, 2013
Meetings
Mustpay Groceries - Store #140
Staff meeting
On the agenda:
* What's the code for avocados?
* Bag boys: no pulling on the customer's ears while they swipe their credit cards
* Orange juice does not come with a prize inside
June 8, 10:00 a.m. in the break room
Staff meeting
On the agenda:
* What's the code for avocados?
* Bag boys: no pulling on the customer's ears while they swipe their credit cards
* Orange juice does not come with a prize inside
June 8, 10:00 a.m. in the break room
June 6, 2013
Events
The Lavellederwood Circus traveling freak show is coming to a town near you!
Check out our brand-new freaks:
* The acorn that can't speak
* The parakeet with no thumbs
* The blank piece of paper
* The brown-haired man
* The hubcap with no tire
* The goldfish who refuses to wear a rain coat
* The long-haired woman
Lavellederwood Circus
Call 555-2002 for schedule and tickets
Check out our brand-new freaks:
* The acorn that can't speak
* The parakeet with no thumbs
* The blank piece of paper
* The brown-haired man
* The hubcap with no tire
* The goldfish who refuses to wear a rain coat
* The long-haired woman
Lavellederwood Circus
Call 555-2002 for schedule and tickets
June 5, 2013
Announcements
Kaynesport Chamber of Commerce
Prop bills to be voted on June 10
88 - Legality of nail polish remover on popcorn
97 - Vote YES to stop the Garrison family from getting a new roof
192 - Ban hiccuping on motorcycles
203 - Mosquito rights
246 - Separate but equal: leaves
355 - Ban the use of string instruments while riding a horse
Chamber of Commerce building - 425 Lyle Sherwood Lane, downtown
Prop bills to be voted on June 10
88 - Legality of nail polish remover on popcorn
97 - Vote YES to stop the Garrison family from getting a new roof
192 - Ban hiccuping on motorcycles
203 - Mosquito rights
246 - Separate but equal: leaves
355 - Ban the use of string instruments while riding a horse
Chamber of Commerce building - 425 Lyle Sherwood Lane, downtown
June 4, 2013
Services
Need your lawn mowed?
Tired of Joe Maglio coming over, mowing for a few minutes, eating some of the grass and/or falling asleep on your lawn?
You have other options.
Vince Maglio 555-9995
* Free expired Joe Maglio chauffeur's license with service agreement *
Tired of Joe Maglio coming over, mowing for a few minutes, eating some of the grass and/or falling asleep on your lawn?
You have other options.
Vince Maglio 555-9995
* Free expired Joe Maglio chauffeur's license with service agreement *
June 3, 2013
For sale
Ice cube shaped like a boot
This extremely rare item was discovered in my freezer on Wednesday.
* Other rare ice cubes available:
- "Boat with no sail"
- "Ice cube pieces of the garage freezer"
* Interesting trades for ice cube trays considered
Call for pricing list
Zelda 555-5574
This extremely rare item was discovered in my freezer on Wednesday.
* Other rare ice cubes available:
- "Boat with no sail"
- "Ice cube pieces of the garage freezer"
* Interesting trades for ice cube trays considered
Call for pricing list
Zelda 555-5574
June 2, 2013
For sale
Used video games
* Rear View Mirror Thief
* How Much Change Is In My Couch? The Video Game
* Paper Football 1994
* Waspnestbusters
* Prison Cafeteria 5: Dessert
$8 each
Greg 555-0081
* Rear View Mirror Thief
* How Much Change Is In My Couch? The Video Game
* Paper Football 1994
* Waspnestbusters
* Prison Cafeteria 5: Dessert
$8 each
Greg 555-0081
June 1, 2013
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