Destinations

The Kaynesport Preservation Society's April showcase: the town's first bridge!

* Brought to you thanks to a generous grant from the P.C.N.KPS (The People Camped Out Near The Kaynesport Preservation Society).


Call 555-4419 for tour schedules

Destinations

Need a vacation?

I just bought a bunch of train cars and plenty of space is available.

Specialty cars also available, including:

* Sunflower seed/peanut shell "half & half cars" (cars 3, 9 & 15)
* The car with the wasp nests
* Dishwashing detergent (cars 5 & 6)
* The car of a thousand phone books
* The car containing my friend Greg


And more!


Call for full pricing plans
Wayne  555-3351

Destinations

Kaynesport Historical Society announces its newest addition: the world's first seesaw.




Call 555-4419 for tour schedules

Destinations

Visit the Plunger County Prison & Museum




Check out our Fall, 2010 special exhibits:

**Getaway Cars of the 1990s

Includes the Beano Brothers' red station wagon (*with world-famous salami stains on front windshield*)


**Solitary Peep Shows

See some of the world's worst criminals locked in solitary confinement and put in provocative positions like:

- Fetal
- Laying down
- Arguing with himself
- Rodent Circus promoter


Plus:

Lunch tray fights


Plunger County Prison & Museum - 245 Ansley Lane, Plumptin

Destinations

Visit Exit 74 in Kaynesport!

Destinations

Visit Delwood Pond



* Uncover the mysteries of the missing tube socks of Lester Nelson
* Participate in our brand-new Adopt-a-Pebble program
* View a taping of the hit reality television show Watch Me Eat Mud

Also available:

- Weekly celery baptismals with pastor/produce manager, Father Kellog


Call 555-3771 for hours and group discounts

Destinations

Visit Exit 97 in Plumptin County!

Destinations

2310 Feathers Crossing, downtown Kaynesport

Destinations

Visit Exit 75 in downtown Plumptin County!

Destinations

Visit Exit 90 in downtown Goober City!




Also check out:

* The childhood home of three-time Bernie Wheeler look-alike contest runner-up, Jed Barnhill
* The original International House of Shoelaces (19th Street)

Destinations

Visit Derwoodia



"We were 'it' before it was what it is."


* Over 700,000 acorns
* Plenty of great fishing spots where you can catch Doofusfish, Kneecap, Freshwater Edna and more
* Used in the filming of the 2006 reality TV show Insult Island


Call 555-2219 for more information or to book your next island getaway

Destinations

Take a trip to the Kaynesport Visitor's Center

"Come smell the changes we've made!"


Spring exhibits

- The War of Norman's Aggression (1941)
- The War of Many Normans (1942)

Plus:

* Maps to famous rooster's houses
* Blast! Cola fountain
* Every Friday: Emmit Parker Hums The Hits (9:00 p.m. - midnight)


Kaynesport Visitor's Center - Off Exit 83 near the Big Hippo

Destinations

Visit Lake Febbinshine



"The muddiest place on earth!"


* Two fishing docks where you can catch dozens of exotic fish, including:

- Detroit Bluefish
- Freshwater Nup
- Bandaidfish
- Rainbow Herman
- Newark Yellow Tail


* Wheelbarrow trails


* Hike Feathers Mountain
(Beware of Rory Vanderells, missing since July, 1988)


* Games for the whole family

Cantaloupe Toss
Ring Around Larry Meroni


** And coming to Lake Febbinshine in summer, 2009, a live taping of the hit reality TV show Who Won't Drown?!


Lake Febbinshine - 550 Lakeshore Avenue, Bronze City
Call 555-7661 for reservations

Destinations

Looking for a great place to spend your summer vacation?

Morwood Spa & Resort & Dental School is waiting for you!



* Take a tour of our fabulous Visitor's Parking Lot and Front Lobby Brochure Table

* Hike up Eyebrow Mountain and relax in one of our world-famous Clam Chowder Spas (now with 12% more bouillon!)

* Nightly musical performances:

- The Soy Sauce Revival
- Barking Linda
- Boil Away the Dark


And so much more!


Call 555-8117 for reservations


** Free molar extraction if you purchase by May 1 **

Visit Derwood Forest & Resort

The smolderiest place on earth!


* See North America's only talking acorn, Ernie
* Cross Makipsey Bridge, where Danny proposed to Beth in the final episode of the hit sitcom Too Many Beths
* Kayak down Derwood River with motivational speaker Olin Craig, author of Shut up and Kayak, Stupid
* Get some sun and sand at Raccoon Beach


SPECIAL WINTER EVENT

~ Every Friday: Soy Sauce Drinking Contests


Derwood Forest & Resort
510 Pudinshot Lane, Tettleburo

Call 555-1918 for reservations

Destinations

Pincher's Anonymous
2009 Retreat

February 13-15


On the agenda:

** Kayak down Pinch Creek
** Which cheeks to pinch and when
** BREAK OUT GROUP SESSION: Perfect Pinching Practice Makes Perfect


$700 per person

Pryor-Rich Resort & Day Spa, Cole County
Info: 555-3328



* Please, no electronic pinchers on the retreat.