Services

Need cabinet doors opened?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Need cabinet doors closed?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Need salt and/or pepper shaken onto anything?

* Will provide my own salt *


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Psychiatrist for hire

"Let's scratch the crazy off of you"

* Fear of a clothed antelope
* Excessive pointing at parking lot oil stains
* "I make linguine, then pour it into my work boots"
* Embellishing how often my guinea pig speaks
* "I hate my granddaughter's cursive 'J'"
* Yield sign tattoo regret


Call for rates and availability
Dorothy 555-0119

Services

Need a stain on the shirt of a family member, friend or co-worker pointed at?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Need anything on a fast food restaurant menu pointed at?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Handy-man for hire

I can perform a variety of odd jobs, including:

* Shouting insults at dripping tap water
* "Let's run over to that man and chew on his ankles"
* Pointing at clocks and revealing 1. the time of day 2 the time of day in a few seconds
* Making envelopes out of pieces of pizza/later: mailing things


Call for rates and availability
Shakeem  555-8118

Services

Need someone to check the temperature of your food?

* February specials *

- Soup: $5/bowl; up to four temperature checks
- Children's food (three years old or younger): $7/taste


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Do you feel you've made a mistake naming your child?

Are you looking to start over?


Barbara  555-8887

* Spring, 2014 special: names beginning with the letter R just $10 *

Services

Advice lady for hire

* Don't polish your furniture with raspberry preserves
* What not to shout at a middle school play
* Wearing a blouse and skirt into the shower
* Stop brushing your teeth with malt vinegar
* You can't take a vegetable peeler to a gun fight
* Where to/where not to take your turtle for a walk at a funeral


Call for hourly rates
Belinda  555-1113

Services

Need something buttoned or zippered up?

Shirts: $3 per buttoning
Jackets: $5 (button or zipper)
Pants: seasonal


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Need a light bulb changed?

Tired of Joe Maglio changing the light bulb, then staying at your house all day and keeping the lights on the entire time, then taking the bulb back and leaving?

You have other options.


Vinnie Maglio  555-1188

Services

Need potato chips crumbs picked off your shirt and eaten?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Need someone to hold your place in a book?

Two options: I can either put my finger inside and close the book, or turn the book over and supervise the situation


- Five minutes or less: $4/book
- More than five minutes: $6/book

Terrence Maglio  555-7885

Services

Wrapping paper disposal service

* All of your wrapping paper eaten in 10 minutes or less or it's free!


Call for rates and availability
Gus & Tracy  555-6635

Services

If someone sitting in YOUR seat?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Need walls stared at and/or pointed at?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

In a grocery store checkout line and need someone to collect your change and hand it to you?


Ken  555-9118

Services

Need some From The Desk Of Joe Maglio stationery?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

Services

Need sunglasses looked out of?


Joe Maglio  555-9995