Hatterfield Gremlins semi-pro fall baseball
Pre-season meeting
Items to discuss:
- Why you have to wear a jock strap and pants
- The whereabouts of third-base coach Jimmy Tannen
- Part 4 of our strategy sessions: non-verbal signs
Gremlins Stadium, September 21 at 7:30 p.m.
September 12, 2008
September 11, 2008
Morning personal ads
MEN SEEKING WOMEN
38, SWM. Big-time rocking chair enthusiast, but I've been looking for a woman who can teach me a thing or two about recliners, couches and other stationery living room furniture. Give me a call, I'm probably home.
Robert box 77981
Look, who are we kidding? I like you, you like me. Let's get passed all of the foreplay and get straight to the pudding pool in my backyard.
Teddy box 30350
SBM, age 41. I've invented several words over the years, including "shizabuck", "clammter" and "tywoo". I enjoy professional football and cucumber salads. Oh, and listening. I love to listen.
Brandon box 28881
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
31, SWF. Voted "Best Looking" by the senior class at Plainville High School (June, 1995).
Candice box 28746
38, SWM. Big-time rocking chair enthusiast, but I've been looking for a woman who can teach me a thing or two about recliners, couches and other stationery living room furniture. Give me a call, I'm probably home.
Robert box 77981
Look, who are we kidding? I like you, you like me. Let's get passed all of the foreplay and get straight to the pudding pool in my backyard.
Teddy box 30350
SBM, age 41. I've invented several words over the years, including "shizabuck", "clammter" and "tywoo". I enjoy professional football and cucumber salads. Oh, and listening. I love to listen.
Brandon box 28881
WOMEN SEEKING MEN
31, SWF. Voted "Best Looking" by the senior class at Plainville High School (June, 1995).
Candice box 28746
September 10, 2008
For sale
Bow ties
- orange
6 for $1
Salami w/spicy mustard
$1
The Bow Tie & Sandwich Shop 555-0210
Eyebrows
Me and my friend, Janet, made a bet. I lost. Now I've got a set of eyebrows just going to waste.
$4 for the pair
Andrea 555-4222
- orange
6 for $1
Salami w/spicy mustard
$1
The Bow Tie & Sandwich Shop 555-0210
Eyebrows
Me and my friend, Janet, made a bet. I lost. Now I've got a set of eyebrows just going to waste.
$4 for the pair
Andrea 555-4222
September 9, 2008
Tennis instructor for sale
Pete Flannery
Age: 36
Right-handed
Pete's a pretty good tennis instructor, but he plays too much air guitar with his racket and he doesn't believe in using a ball. It's just time for all of us to move on.
Comes with:
* His own fold-out clay court for "tennis on the go"
* More than a dozen ironed polo shirts
$200 or best offer
Midtown Tennis Club 555-8830
Age: 36
Right-handed
Pete's a pretty good tennis instructor, but he plays too much air guitar with his racket and he doesn't believe in using a ball. It's just time for all of us to move on.
Comes with:
* His own fold-out clay court for "tennis on the go"
* More than a dozen ironed polo shirts
$200 or best offer
Midtown Tennis Club 555-8830
For sale
Wife
Darlene: 42 years old; chubby
Loves Sour Cream and Onion anything and Ray Charles impersonators. President of the Dave Coulier Fan Club (Hannington City chapter).
$75
Chuck 555-6781
Darlene: 42 years old; chubby
Loves Sour Cream and Onion anything and Ray Charles impersonators. President of the Dave Coulier Fan Club (Hannington City chapter).
$75
Chuck 555-6781
September 8, 2008
Jasper City for sale!
We're selling the entire city during our late-summer and early-fall-everything must go sale!
Roads, bar stools, dirt, security guards, mailboxes, doors, knitting supplies, cats; you name it, it's all available for a limited time.
Week 1 Specials
* Buy three oak trees get the fourth free
* 2 for 1 grandparents (Saturdays only)
* Pork chops - $.79/pound WOW!
* Highway on-ramps only $99.95!
Sale starts September 12
Roads, bar stools, dirt, security guards, mailboxes, doors, knitting supplies, cats; you name it, it's all available for a limited time.
Week 1 Specials
* Buy three oak trees get the fourth free
* 2 for 1 grandparents (Saturdays only)
* Pork chops - $.79/pound WOW!
* Highway on-ramps only $99.95!
Sale starts September 12
For sale
Puppies
Five total, all brown with white spots. One puppy poops a lot; we call him Poops A. Lot, or "Pal". The others just follow Pal around and eat his poo/sniff his butt.
$200 for all five
Tammy and Jim 555-4410
Five total, all brown with white spots. One puppy poops a lot; we call him Poops A. Lot, or "Pal". The others just follow Pal around and eat his poo/sniff his butt.
$200 for all five
Tammy and Jim 555-4410
September 7, 2008
September 5, 2008
For sale
Buy my words
The following are available at discounted prices: 'Clubzic', 'Yanning', 'Doomb,' 'Dindier', 'Onch', 'Humbert', 'Chinway'.
$4 each
Vance 555-6459
The following are available at discounted prices: 'Clubzic', 'Yanning', 'Doomb,' 'Dindier', 'Onch', 'Humbert', 'Chinway'.
$4 each
Vance 555-6459
September 3, 2008
Home for sale
One-story mansion
- 1/2 BR/0 BATH
- Over 1,000 cans of soup come with house
* Once owned by world-famous bodybuilder/serial pincher Garret Pendelton
$750
Hansen Reality 555-6529
September 2, 2008
September 1, 2008
Meetings
Carterston Semi-Pro Football
Team meeting
On the agenda:
- What happened to the goal posts?
- Remembering Walter Piersall
- "You've got to wear a helmet" - Part 2
- Where not to put your cup and jock strap
September 2, 7:30 p.m. at fieldhouse
Team meeting
On the agenda:
- What happened to the goal posts?
- Remembering Walter Piersall
- "You've got to wear a helmet" - Part 2
- Where not to put your cup and jock strap
September 2, 7:30 p.m. at fieldhouse
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