For sale

Cheese



* Muenster
* Used in the filming of the March, 2010 home movie Cheese Scavenger Hunt (starring my neighbor, Paul as himself)
* Interesting trades for bread considered


$4 or best offer
Maurice 555-6519

For sale

Selling my old domain names. Great deals available.


www.somethingsdeadinmysneaker.com
www.saladdressingart.net
www.thingsifindinthestormdrain.net
www.collegehiccuping.com/fourtimenationalchampions_drewearly
www.firedrivethrumanagerdeondre.blogspot.com
www.moviescripts.mtb/snowmaninterrupted
www.allaboutindexcards.com
www.celebritykneeinjuries.net


$15 each
Bethany  555-2229

Meetings

The Friends of Linda Glenford
Spring meeting


Items to discuss:

* Our "LASAGNA FACE LINDA" bumper stickers aren't selling well
* Linda's new eyelids
* FOLG Four-Year Flashback: May 12, 2006, the day we met Glenda Linferd


May 12, 2:00 p.m. at Kaynesport Country Club

Letter from the editor

The Sideburn Sandwich contest ended last weekend. We'll announce the winners, May 20.

Bobby's second birthday party is scheduled for June 1. For those attending the party/spicy mustard dunk tank finals/possum look-alike contest, please bring your own pants and bow tie.


- Derwood Morris

For sale

Coins



- Silver (rare)
- Quarters (2), nickels (2) and dimes (3)
- Received in change at Thursday matinee of Things we Lost in the Coleslaw


$30
Ben 555-6860


* Ask about our payment plans *

For sale

Magazines


Air Harmonica Enthusiast (June, 2003; July, 2003)
Journal of Modern American Elbow Dislocations (January, 1992)
Sneeze & Flee (March, 2000; August, 2000; February, 2001)


$5 each
Evelyn  555-8173

Home for sale

1/2 MATTRESS
1 BATHTUB/OFFICE
2 CUSSING ROOMS

* Used in the filming of the 2008 movie A Hiccuper's Chance
* Priced to burst in flames


Open house: May 8, 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
422 Zimm Street, SW Kaynesport

Meetings

Plumptin County Summer Baseball
Pre-season team meeting


Items to discuss:

* There is such a thing as eating too much infield dirt
* A pitching rubber is not a weapon
* After last season's "laughing pantyhose" incident, grandmothers are no longer allowed in the dugout



May 8, 7:30 p.m. at the midtown Beefy's Fast Food Hut

Help Wanted

Need a handy man to fix a window, and get an elderly woman out of a dishwasher.




Nia  555-6448


* Must be possum-friendly *

For sale

Foot

* Three toes in tact
* Once belonged to Harold Gafreda


$45
Fran 555-6970

For sale

Vernon Caldwell autograph from '08 Foil Fest



* Perfect for the Ernie in your life


$35
Ernie 555-3327

TV listings

WDER has announced its new Sunday lineup!


REALITY TV

Who Wants to Kidnap my Goldfish? - 7:30 p.m.
Team Blue kidnaps Guppy 2, while Ryan gets Team Orange eliminated after mistakenly eating Fin and kidnapping the bowl.

Extreme Makeover: Goatee Edition - 9:00 p.m.
The crew finally gets the caramel out of Byron's goatee.



MOVIE NIGHT - 10:00 p.m.

Rebel without a Wristwatch




6:10 a.m. - Counting brussels sprouts with Linda

Services

Advice Lady for hire

"Advice for a price"


* Throw away all your used band aids
* Don't put cocktail onions in your apple juice
* You can't take an armadillo to a gun fight
* New homeowners: I wouldn't immediately trust your mailman's walk; give it a few days
* Don't put pine tar in your cereal


Call for rates and availability
Aliyah  555-7991

Meetings

The Splits bowling team
Pre-season meeting


On the agenda:

* Please put on your bowling shoes after your socks
* Renting beer is not an option


May 5, 6:00 p.m. at Roryshine Lanes