For sale

Recliner

* Used in the filming of the 2007 reality TV show Will Anyone Go On A Date With My Father?


$32
Dale  555-0440


** Ask about our toupee trade-in options **

Pet personal ad

SWBD, age 6. Looking for a nice, young canine to help me bark at the shadows in the garage. If you've got things crawling around on your back, that's a plus.

* Breath must smell like rotten earthworms or worse *


Bruce  box 76991

For sale

Car door

* Blue w/some deer blood
* Free with purchase:

- six pennies, four nickels

* Door handle sold separately


$11
Pete  555-7329

Services

Landscaper for hire


* Mailbox flag trimming
* Grass-eating contest judge
* Who fell off the roof?

Tutorials:

- Staircase climbing for dummies
- "There's no reason to mow the driveway"


Call for rates and availability
Gus 555-7739

Meetings

Scorpions 35-over adult league baseball
Post-season team meeting


Items to discuss:

* Please return all stirrups to the bucket at the front of the room
* Coach Nick's huge disappointment list
* Awards to be given out:

- Slowest pitch
- Most eye black eaten
- Girlfriend/wife with the worst breath
- Run to first fall down before you get there award
- Worst bunt
- "We can never remember this guy's name" award


September 21, 6:30 p.m. at the Kaynesport Ave. Ernie's Pizza

Public Service Announcement

No one wins when cucumbers turn to a life of drugs.




Talk to your vegetables before something else in the refrigerator does.

Meetings

The Clothing Store
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* What not to sell in the fitting rooms
* Please stop accepting coat hangers from our men's department as currency
* If it has to be killed inside the store, we are not legally allowed to sell it as a fur


September 19, 9:00 a.m.

For sale

Bike seat



* Black; perfect for sitting on while biking
* 12 dead ants underneath free with purchase


$8
Lance 555-6886

For sale

Fortune cookie message


"You have some chicken fried rice on your shirt"


50 for $5

100 for $8

Over 500: inquire within
Grinning Wok 555-8911

For sale

Bagel halve

* Slightly burnt

Make me an offer

Ben  555-8916

For sale

VHS

Movies

* Throw Momma's Back Medicine from the Train
* War of the Worms
* So, I Married a Sax Murderer


Other

* History's Greatest Delayed Airline Flights, Vol. 2
* Baseball's Most Famous Foul Tips


$3 each
Sandra 555-1886

Services

Need a shower or faucet turned off?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

For sale

Band aid



* Yellow
* Edible (?)
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV show Who Is Bleeding Now?!


$4
Gabe 555-3970

For sale

Used protest signs


"Stop burying cabbage in my front lawn!"
"Save the soup: help us keep the spoons out"
"Blakeley High: give us back our math teacher!"


$5 each
Hillary 555-7761