Events

Tonight at 8:00, it's A Cookin' New Years Eve

Hosted by John Plum and Sissy Paddock

** JUST ADDED **
Special musical guest Lil' Pipsqueak


Brought to you by:



Blast! Cola (c) 2008



L'Sha Empanadas (c) 2008


Starts at 8:00 p.m., following the season finale of Will you go with my Daughter to the Prom? on WDER

For sale

Magazines


Munster Cheese (May, 2007; July, 2007)
Whining & Pouting (August, 2001; September, 2001)
Mailman Tackler (April, 2008; August, 2008; January, 2008)



$7 each
Reynaldo 555-3448

Bobby Mondays

SERVICES


Plow/shovel man for hire



"I'll plow your drive way or shovel your front lawn or around your pool. Anywhere there's snow, I'll be there. Or my assistant, Pete, will be there."

- Grant Milsap, owner


Also specialize in:

* Kansas City Royals trivia


Call for prices
Grant 555-1105



FOR SALE


VHS

Happy Birthday, Santa
Edgar & Sandeep Cash in a Scratch-off Lottery Ticket


$2 each
Cindy 555-7018

Events

WDER TV presents A Cookin' New Years Eve

Hosted by John Plum and Sissy Paddock


"!"
-- Len Bergeron, Kaynesport Times

8:00 p.m. - Live in concert: Soy Power
9:00 p.m. - John & Sissy hug it out
10:00 p.m. - Countdown to 10:30
10:30 p.m. - Looking back: 2008's Standers & Sitters
11:30 p.m. - Midnight countdown begins

12:00 a.m. - Cantaloupe drop and a live performance by Ernie Copper and the Coreys


Join us New Years Eve for all the fun!



WDER TV

Kaynesport ch. 17
Goober City ch. 29

Thoughts for sale

After Christmas specials!!


60% off now through December 31


* I give up a game-winning home run to Pete Incaviglia in the bottom of the 9th inning of the seventh game of the World Series. We meet up afterwards and go to Burger King. Soon, we rent a two-bedroom apartment, but it doesn't end up working out.


and more!


Call for prices
Hetty 555-7100

TV listings

Feathers TV
Saturday lineup


EXCITING MSAA ACTION

Shueburg at Tettleburo - 6:00 p.m.
After Ernie Benson Stadium hosted the 4th annual Salami Convention, the Centipedes finally return home following a three-week road trip. Expansion Shueburg has won four consecutive games but will be without manager Tom Pipgras, whose wife gave birth to an eight-year old (Thomas Jr.).


REALITY TV

The Real Desk Clerks of the San Malingos Public Library - 8:30 p.m.
Dottie shushes a noisy patron, while Francene loses a contact lens in Non Fiction.

Make me a Tuna Fish Sandwich! - 9:00 p.m.
Dexter forgets to take off the crust.


LATE NIGHT MOVIE - 10:00 p.m.
Nerdy Dancing


6:05 a.m. - The Cauliflower Hour with Murton Shouse

For sale

Christmas tree

Plastic; about 6 feet, 4 inches.

* Two presents still underneath (Aunt Marsha)
* Was inspiration for wine-induced duets of O Christmas Tree - 2005, 2006, 2008


$27
Diane 555-6210



Socks
(Two pairs)

Reindeer heads with glowing, red noses on each sock


$3 per pair

** Interesting trades considered **

Jimmy 555-4404

For sale

Holiday parties

Grumson, Linus & Nultz Law Offices
2008 Holiday party

Schedule-

8:00 p.m. - Pin the tail on Mr. Dolan from circulation
9:00 p.m. - Photo Copy our Privates
9:25 p.m. - Let's get Sheldon Baker drunk

10:00 p.m. - Awards Ceremony

- First to stage
- Bossiest wife
- Fat ankle trophy

11:30 p.m. - 15th annual Snow Shovel your way to the Parking Lot (Weather Permitting).


December 27 @ Nunch Valley Ballroom

Car for sale

1979 Berchmont Glitter LE

439,000 miles

* AM/some FM radio
* Lots of storage space in trunk
* Bowl of chicken soup in front passenger seat still warm and tasty
* Doors not included
* Used in 1982 movie Jim & Martha Drive to Houston


$45
Martha 555-6681

Christmas Classifieds

ALBUM RELEASES


From the people who brought you It's Easter Meester, stuff your stocking with the brand-new Christmas album, Turtle Dove/Reindeer Love


Check out new holiday hits like:

Up on the Meth House Top
It's Yellow (Frosty)
I saw Mommy kissing Trevor's Mommy


Call 555-1002 to order your copy today!



FOR SALE


Bulk mistletoe


$5/pound
Tony 555-1991



MOVIE LISTINGS
WDER Holiday Classics
Christmas Day - 8:00 p.m.

Larry, the least-famous Reindeer of all

For sale

Collectibles

Clump County Vipers cap w/Kaz Hiroki autograph. Fudge stain under bill (Hiroki's) - $20
Vinyl record albums - $5 each
* The Mossy People, I think we may have missed the Exit
* Patty Gerald, Love and Mayonnaise
Dennis Haskins bobblehead dolls - 2 for $5


Chuck 555-3995

House for rent

** 2 BR dream house in the heart of the aardvark district **

- Once owned by R&B singer Lil' Pipsqueak's road manager, Dedrick
- Front door/windows coming May, 2009
- Used in the filming of the 1986 movie Now What's That Smell?


$300 per month
Sam and Harriet  555-8018

Services

Langston & Associates
Attorneys at Law

"Isn't it about time it is what it is?"


* Sideburn discrimination
* Calculator violence
* Aunt/Uncle repossession
* Rhinoceros neglect
* Wrongful sweater shopping
* Goldfish custody


Free consultations/toasted bread
555-5007