Openings

N'Yunk's Pawn Shop
Grand re-opening

"We got rid of the bee hives, ya'll!"


We buy:

* Elbows
* Grandpersons
* Lima bean art
* Autographed wheelbarrows
* Cat whiskers
* Vintage sweat
* Watermelon combat helmets


N'Yunk's - 210 Laurentia Street, Bweeb County

For hire

Dance instructor

Specializing in:

- Ernie Shuffle
- The Rocking Chair
- Banana Be-Bop


Call for prices and availability

Austin Bean 555-3448

Pet personal ads

CATS FOR CATS



I can lick myself, you, both of us at the same time. Whatever you want, baby.

Smokey box 66209


I burned off all of my whiskers sticking my head in a candle. Just looking for a decent feline who won't make fun of my stumps.

Mo box 11339


DOGS FOR DOGS


SWD, fleas.

Barney box 57310

For sale

CD singles


Countin' On (Raisin Folk) - ABCD
Cruel Sunburn - Delphine Singers
I think we may have run a stop sign - The Muffins
Ernie Davis Eyes - Capolo
The Bacon Song - Tom Thompson


$3 each
David 555-3878

For sale

Grab bag



Includes:

* Face pieces
- raccoon
- Marty and Lynette Royster

* Mystery clumps
* Half salami sandwich (rare)


** Wrapped in newspaper (July 17, 2007, Kaynesport Times)


$40
Evan 555-7717

Openings

Noodles Arcade
Grand Opening




Brand-new games

Golden Teeth
Throat Collapser 2K
Prison Cafeteria Live


Summer Special:

Thomas Simmons, age 10.
* 4-6, 77 pounds
* In pockets: $.75, (2) melted slices of cheddar cheese

Rental price: $25/day


Noodles Arcade - 5425 Claire Avenue, Kaynesport

For sale

Kerniger & Son Grand Piano

* Used in the 1993 Christmas play, I Saw Mommy Kissing Everyone


$20 or best offer
Kurt  555-2341

Services

Ebbits & he-Jo Law Offices

"Now is the time for something"


* Oboenapping
* GUI (Gluing under the influence)
* Misappropriation of fudge
* Penguin trading
* Driftwood profiling
* Possession of thumbs with intent to distribute


Call for a free consultation - 555-9193

House for rent

1 BR
1/3 BATH
2 CANTALOUPE HELMET

* Comes with grape jelly-filled bath tub
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV show Help, I'm Trapped Underneath the Sink!


$230/month
Cole & Brenda 555-6558

Advertisements

Sold

Washing machine

Sold for $11 to Monty and Darlene Barber, who plan to use the machine to store lunch meat.


* The Barbers will be holding a meet and greet for their new washing machine, Sunday, July 26 (780 Mitchell Avenue, Kaynesport). Lint traps will be provided.

Letter from the editor

1. The bus trip to Pennington Forest has been cancelled.
2. Pieces of ear will no longer be accepted.


Please come by the office in the next week to collect your mashed potato duffel bag and stirrups.


- D. Morris

Openings

Cluckston Point Shopping Center
Grand opening


* Hoosegow's Bar & Grill
* Purple Jean Shorts Wholesaler
* Tall People Re-Sizing Plant
* Discount Spatula
* W.T. McDoodle's Chubby Time Fun Palace
* Syrup World
* Everything for a Pigeon


Cluckston Point - 155 Industry Way, Corcoran

Services

Need someone's pants pulled down?


Joe Maglio 555-9995