For sale

Bulk acorns

10 for $2

25 for $4

50 for $7

Let's get you the acorns you deserve

Linda  555-3402

Events

Winter 2011 additions to event calendar at Blast! Cola Arena

December 4 - Jewelry Keepers
December 11 - Bryce & Henry sing the football scores
December 19 - Tap-dancing Santa Clauses sing the football scores
December 29 - Countdown to New Years

2012 Concert Series

January 7: Scrambled Eggs
January 24: Pillow don and the feather
February 9: Peanut Butter Face
February 18-19: Kidneyhead


For tickets call 555-2343 or visit the arena box office

Services

Courier service

"I'll transport anything."

* Ant farms
* Elderly men named Lester
* Secret government eggplant
* Bags of leaves (maximum four per half hour)
* Photographs of other taxis
* Sealed containers of:

- Air
- Sneezes


Nyjer  555-7174

Services

Need some turkey eaten?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

For sale

Vinyl record singles


* First Time Ever I Saw Inside Your Nose - Daneeta Grace
* I Saw Mommy Kissing Eleven Santa Clauses - Peggy Cliff
* Stairway To Parking Garage - Rory Vincent Band


$5 each
Buck 555-4393

Special offer

Volume 5 of the Idiot's Guide books are now available!

You'll get:

* Wall clock
* Rain puddles
* Glossaries
* Comb

and more!


** Order now and receive Belt free **


Eight full instructional books for the low price of $149.99
Chocolate House Publishing 555-3391

Services

Need help naming your ice cubes?

Tired of the names Joe Maglio always gives them?


Vince Maglio  555-9995

Meetings

The People Under Andrea Fleming's Stairs
Winter '11 meeting


Items to discuss:

* The fall formal, "Dancing Under The Stairs": what went wrong
* Our field trip to Andrea's elementary school cafeteria has been moved to January 4


November 25, 4:00 p.m.

Missing

Hot dog


[Photo taken November 18]

* Reddish-brown
* Last seen Sunday near the stove
* We're very worried, he hasn't been away from the refrigerator since we brought him and his family home from the grocery store
* Reward $$ offered


Gail and Marty 555-7882

Events

Semi-pro competitive eating
Additions to 2011-2012 schedule

* All competitions at Plumptin Arena *

November 30 - Styrofoam
December 19 - Socks
January 13 - File folder
January 27 - Puddle water
February 3 - Baseball infield dirt
February 22 - Carpet
March 10 - Bird nest


To register call 555-2291

For sale

Leftovers

Clearance sale:

* Lettuce pieces (6)
* Brown stuff
* One slice of formerly white bread
* Refrigerator for sale (inquire within)


(side view, taken November 18, 2011)


Call for pricing list
Ahmad 555-6177

For sale

Toothbrush

* Used less than 25 times
* Appeared in the filming of the reality TV show Brush My Teeth! - All Stars


$8
Trevon  555-6126

* Hurry, (different) Trevon is interested *

Services

Need a pencil sharpened?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

** Must provide pencil sharpener **

Meetings

Plumptin Times
Editorial meeting


On the agenda:

* Our obituary page is not for dress shoes that had the heel broken off
* No matter how many times they call looking for coverage and send us photographs, sneezing is not a sport
* The religion section will not be replaced by a daily pictorial tribute to the cinnamon bun


November 21, 1:00 p.m.