January 26, 2009

Police Report

Name: Vernon Sanderson
Age: 33
Pants: Yes

January 25: Mr. Sanderson was arrested for attempted murder (goldfish) when police found him pouring excessive amounts of soy sauce into his fish tank. Mr. Sanderson defended his actions by stating that the goldfish who disliked soy sauce was "out of town on business."

Previous arrests:

March, 2005: Arrested for failure to maintain two, distinct eyebrows, which is a felony in Yuntz County.

July, 1999: Taken into custody for impersonating a dinner plate. Mr. Sanderson became abusive and was handcuffed after a female guest refused to eat fried calamari out of his belly button.

BAIL: $15

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