April 27, 2009

Police report

Danny Jelks
Age: 32
Pants: yes

April 26: Arrested at a basketball game for refusing to take off his cat mask during the national anthem.

Previous arrests

November, 2004: Arrested for driving under the influence of peacock feathers, a class C misdemeanor in Juttle County.

May, 1999: Taken into custody for kidnapping a head of lettuce. After demanding $3 in ransom money, Mr. Jelks eventually surrendered to police, claiming it to be "a dark day for the crouton."

Bail: $25


Anonymous said...

Who the hell is this guy?

Derwood Morris said...

Danny Jelks.

A hoodlum.

Thank you for your interest.

- Derwood