Obituary

Charity Pershack
1921-2012

A long-time penguin runner in the black market mammal trade, Mrs. Pershack died suddenly, Monday morning when she was trapped in her refrigerator and later perished in the vegetable crisper. 

A member of a number of political activist groups, including S.O.E.S. (separation of ear and sandwich), she helped organize the 1987 Yince County tree house boycotts and the 2002 omelet riots after the publicized police beatings of a carton of free-range. 

She is survived by several (2?) desk lamps.

Funeral services are scheduled for January 28 at 5:00 p.m., then we're headed to McCaffertys for quarter draft hour.