March 9, 2010

Police report

Durell Jenkins
Age: 38
Pants: no
Sandwich in pocket: Eyelash with honey mustard on whole wheat

March 8: Found in possession of more than 1,000 walnuts with intent to de-shell.

Previous arrests

January 11, 2005: Arrested for impersonating a wet-dry vac. Mr. Jenkins was taken into police custody after attempting to drink cocktail sauce off a woman's sweater.

October 1, 2000: Felony strain-and-run, leaving the scene of an uncooked noodle.

April 28, 1997: Attempted Penguin 1

Bail: $14.50

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