June 14, 2010

Police report

Keaton Vance
Age: 32
Pants: No
Sandwich in pocket: Chopped slippers with mayo

June 13 - Mr. Vance was arrested for impersonating a globe. Beverly Khan, the alleged victim, called the authorities saying Mr. Vance had become violent after she refused to point out Australia.

Previous arrests:

January 2, 2007 - Taken into police custody for failure to remove his stirrups, salami belt and watermelon helmet in a government building.

August 24, 2001 - Felony hiccup-and-run

November 16, 1999 - Found in possession of more than 500 caterpillar legs with intent to distribute

Bail: $9

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