Obituary

Daniel Lester
1914-2011

Mr. Lester died doing what he loved: sitting in a kiddie pool while throwing rotten fruit at squirrels. He was the founder of political activist groups S.P.C.S. (Separation of Paper Clips and Soup) and the Plumptin County chapter of Keeping Snowmen Cold. Refusing to accept the existence of toothbrushes, Mr. Lester chose instead to brush his teeth with a small boy named Benjamin. In 1973, married his podiatry school sweetheart, Rose, but the couple divorced in early-1974 after an argument over bone spurs. Mr. Lester is survived by a drawing of his son, Walter. 

Funeral services are set for May 27 at 5:00 p.m., then it's off to Paddock's for .50 wing night.