June 18, 2012

Husband for sale

Age: 48

Pluses: Once ate an entire box of crayons to win a bet; was minister in the first legalized goldfish marriage (August, 2009)

Minuses: During a 1993 job interview, nervously drank a bottle of shampoo. Didn't get job.

Awards & honors:

* Fattest, 2001-2002 Plumptin adult softball league D
* 11th place, Build your own Chimney
* Outfield Fall Down Award, 2003-2004 Plumptin adult softball league D
* Worst Punt, 1977 Pittsfield Cougars middle school football

Acting history:

* 1994, played "Horace" in the off-Broadway musical Snowman on the Roof
* 1996, played fire hydrant #3 on a a Hefty Milk Bone commercial
* 2005-2007, stand-in for "Dr. Vanderells" on the daytime soap opera These Can't Be All My Children

$800 or best offer
Valerie 555-6981

** Hurry, many interested **

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