Services

Dance Lessons by Charlie

"Charlie is not only my name, it's my name tag"


* Pigeon Be-Bop
* The Elbow Scratch
* The Derwood
* Coatroom (Mothball or The Crouch & Hide)
* The Herman Peabody
* Salt Shaker Shuffle


Call for rates and availability
Charlie 555-8916

Personal ads

CATS SEEKING CATS



I coughed up something green and I'd like to share it with someone special. Tail must be natural.

Rex box 24202


Been chasing shadows and diving off the back porch for too long. I'm looking to settle down with a feline who isn't afraid to try scented litter every once in a while. Call me.

Trixxy box 66117



MEN SEEKING WOMEN


SWM, 43. Won "Most Likely to Shave Someones Beard While they Sleep" and "Best Smile" in Hamilton High School yearbook (June, 1984).

Trevor box 10091


SM, age 36. Brown teeth and misshapen left ear, but I more than make up for it with my air drumming.

Stan box 36810



WOMEN SEEKING MEN


I need a ride to the grocery store.

Amanda box 45917

For sale

Used protest signs


"Support Gabes in the Military"

* Over 200 available


$15 each or ask about our bulk offer
Barry 555-3248

Openings

23rd Street Drive-in
Grand opening!





September movies

I Was Notified of your Hedge Trimming Last Summer
Macaroni Pendelton Presents: Poo House
Prince of Tires
Raviolis for Glenn
My Best Friend's Wedgie


23rd Street Drive-in
Open Monday-through-Saturday, 5:00 p.m. - 12:00 a.m.

Services

Bug for hire




Experience: 2 years
Favorite magazine: Darren

Specialities:

* Driving cats crazy


$25/hour
Hank 555-7167

Home for sale

1 BR/BATH/SPLINTER RECOVERY ROOM
3 Eggplant Man MASKS
1 LUCKY ANDY'S FOOT

* Once owned by Len Shephard, "The Felcro King of the Shephard Family"
* Used in the filming of the 2003 made-for-TV movie Hamburger Martha


Open house - August 29, 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
718 Shane Street, Ookamondo Valley

Services

Pepano, Feathers & Blakely Law Offices

"Now, finally."

* Spaghetti profiling
* Wrongful sock puppet naming
* Cymbal rights
* WUI (wobbering under the influence)
* Hippo custody


PF&B - 1000 Daniels Avenue, Kaynesport

Meetings

Friends of Sarah Quigley
September meeting


Items to discuss:

* Sarah's new lips/lip gloss
* Sarahlympics '09 concession duty
* Who wrote "have a good summer, Smelly Sarah" in Sarah's 7th grade yearbook?


September 2, 7:30 p.m. at Oscar's house

For sale

Vinyl record albums


The Sounds of Sinus - The Nostrils
I Saw Mommy Kissing Trevor's Mommy - Peggy Cliff
(Countin' On) Cabbage Folk - Silver Penny Dream


$8 each
Hakeem  555-8223

For lease

Building for lease


Previous inhabitants:

1990-1993
- M.A.A.C. (Mothers Against Adult Crawling) Headquarters

1994-1998
- Paul's Discount Thumb/Knuckle

1999-2005
- Let's Find a Roof fundraiser (December 28-31, 1999)
- The Sneeze Shop (2000-2005)

2006-2009
- Church of Jerry


$430/month
Henning Reality Co. 555-9119

For sale

Jeremy
Age: 6

Favorite game: Cannonballs on Grandpa
Eats: Mashed potatoes, caramel, mashed potatoes & caramel

Comes with:

- Claire, age 3
- Lice


$75 or best offer
Darryl and Lucille 555-4201

Thoughts for sale

Unloading some of my oldest thoughts.

Make me an offer -


* How much could I charge to give piggy back rides down the highway?
* Talking cashews
* I'm in an alligator costume, trapped in a washing machine
* Giant staplers terrorizing Notebook Paper City
* Singing cashews
* Get to meet Unibrow Man at the mall and he asks me to be his permanent sidekick


Trey 555-1819

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #68
Staff meeting


Item on the agenda:

* The sign does not say 'employees must wash customers hands before returning to work'


August 25, 7:00 p.m. at East Plumptin corporate office

Services

Call 555-NOAH to schedule an appointment


Acceptable methods of payment:

- Icing
- Balloon iguanas