For sale

The Bobby Classifieds mansion




- Take a dip in the mustard pool with the world-famous Girls of Caterpillar Fancy Magazine
- Famous former residents: Dan Corley, "The Plastic Possum King" and Mark Holton look-alike contest runner-up, Whit Blakely
- Used in the filming of the hit 2008 reality TV show We're Living in the Bathtub!


** Ceiling fan to be installed August, 2011 **


Call 555-2323 for tour schedules

For hire

Hannah




Acceptable methods of payment:

* Banana oatmeal
* Leaves
* Balloon salamanders


Call 555-4226 for rates and availability

Meetings

Tooshville Pirates winter league baseball
Team meeting


On the agenda:

* It's not a good idea to eat the outfield grass
* Why we can have 13 fielders only during practice
* For our next game, please wear pants and stirrups, not just stirrups


November 12, 1:00 p.m. at the field house

House for sale

1 BR
0 BATH
1/2 DOOR

* "all" holes to be filled by April, 2010
* used in the filming of the hit reality TV show Kevin House


Open house: Saturday, November 14 from 1:30 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
255 O'Day Crossing, Kaynesport

For sale

Plastic fork collection

* Over 150 *

- Brand-new collection of used forks available
- Interesting trades for plastic spoons considered


$75 or best offer
Kurt 555-3232

For sale

Magazines


Remaining Georges Together (September, 2004; January, 2005)
Leaf Trader (July, 2000; November, 2000)
Elbow Fancy (May, 1995; June 1995)


$4 each
George 555-9772

For sale

Basketball




** Used in the filming of the 2002 science fiction thriller The Point Guard With Three Mouths, starring Viv Destefano **


$15
Daniellea  555-8080

Services

Lindo, Trottinger & Delwood
Attorneys-at-law


* Resisting Celestes
* S.U.I. (squambering under the influence)
* Cheetah ear possession with intent to distribute
* Pistachio profiling
* Misappropriation of Bernies


Call for hourly rates
555-6883

Dog for hire

Mitch


Available for:

* Sneeze critique
* Poo bargaining
* Seminar: How to maximize your time under the couch


$20/hour
555-4571

For sale

VHS


Almost Hairless
Sneezing on Ron Stanichek
Snowman, Interrupted


Children's movies

Cholly Booger Boy-Escape from the Dishwasher
Lice Story
Waiter, There's an Ear in my Soup!



$4 each
Thomas 555-1308

Announcements

Now THAT'S art, or is it?, in conjuction with The Bobby Classifieds, presents the first annual Art Contest and Arm Pit Identification Spectacular! Each month, you decide which work of art is the best.

Finalists will be announced at ACAPIS, April 1, 2010.


November entries:




"Celery Sock"
by Valerie Timmons, Kaynesport




"Self Portrait"
by Robert Feathers, Noodletown



* Vote for your favorite on the front-page poll
* To enter December's contest, email oscarrainbow@gmail.com


October winner - "Glue Stick and Moldy Bagel", by Kristin Fecker

Child for sale

Brandon

Age: 4
Alter-ego: Captain Ernie Earwax
Favorite foods: cracker mush, vinegar
In hair: melted crayon (blue)
Favorite game: "The Grandma Wig Flush"
What he wants to be when he grows up: A talking watermelon


$215 or best offer
Craig & Allison 555-7819

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #113
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* The customers are not allowed to take home the ketchup pump dispensers
* Meet our new mascot The Horse Radish Avenger
* There's no such thing as a "pointing at the menu tax"


November 4, 2:00 p.m. at the Midtown corporate office

Obituary

Janet Erickson (1907-2009)
Beloved wart hero successfully lobbied to have all warts removed from local faces (May, 1957). Founder of the political activist group S.O.F.S (Separation of Fingernail & Soup), Ms. Erickson died doing what she loved: searching in the carpet for her dental floss. Survived by her pet boysenberry, Arthur 2.