February 2, 2009


Helen Pendergast

Helen died doing what she loved: chasing children off of her lawn with a rolled up newspaper. Married her dental school sweetheart, Olin, and the couple had two children whom they refused to name. Got into politics during the 1970s but got out quickly, claiming it was "too political". Funeral services will be Thursday at 6:00 p.m., then its off to Sudds for Karaoke Night.

Ned Miranda

Beloved gardener and one of the founding members of the musical group Johnny and the Cold Cuts died of an apparent dish towel overdose. Miranda, best known for his public protests to ban same-sex furniture shopping, is survived by his pet goldfish, Freddie.

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