For sale

Pillow case

* Comes with several orange juice stains
* Starred in the 2008 documentary I'm Pretty Sure He's Dead: The Disposing of Leonard the Squirrel
* Interesting trades for new pillow cases considered


$3
Jasper 555-7132

For sale

Magazines


Gals Named Brenda (June, 1998, May, 1999)
Neck Hair (December, 2003)
Elbow Johnson For Kids (March, 2005; October, 2005)


$3 each
Ruth  555-1401

For sale

Two brown chairs


** Made of genuine pigeonhide **


Perfect for:

- Sitting in
- Chair fights


$6 each or both for $10
Vernon 555-4648

For sale

In-ground pool




* 29 inches (shallow end - 18 inches)
* Diving board added December, 2008
* Appeared in the 2004 film The Splashing of Helen Corley


$35 or best offer
Lannette 555-0115

For hire

Stan the Advice Man

"'Advice' is my middle name. Actually, it's Jacob."


* Wear socks, underwear and pants, not just socks and underwear
* How to spot a fake sideburn
* Once your toenails are clipped, throw them away
* Don't put margarine in your iced tea
* Outdoor clapping practice: dos and donts
* Trust "Averys" and "Chets" at your own risk
* Bringing a jacket into the shower


Call for rates
Stan 555-1103

Announcements

2009 Build Your Dream House: 6th place.

Congratulations to Rory, Shandra and the rest of the team.


- D. Morris

Home for sale

1/3 BR
1/2 BATH
1 AVOCADO MAN MASK/CAPE (w/pipe cleaner nose)

* Family of possums in hallway closet ("The Winfields")


Open house - August 15, 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
9540 Noah Circle, Yuntztown

Personal ads

DOGS SEEKING DOGS



SD, 7, not fixed.

Charles box 21179


Just got done digging this old sock out of the ground and I want to share it with you. Ears must smell like expired milk or worse.

Trixxy box 43338



MEN SEEKING WOMEN

SWM, 36. Unfortunately, I got some bad advice a long time ago and have been looking for lungs for the past 20 years. I have plenty of lungs; willing to try love, or the equivalent in cheese.

Thomas box 30881


Just trying to find a woman to take to my high school reunion so I don't have to go with my Aunt Dottie. Call me.

Cody box 55907



OTHER

On the roof. Need someone to get me down.

Jay box 71016

Meetings

Fireplace Watcher's Society
August meeting


Items to discuss:

* When men other than Santa Claus fall down the chimney
* The Microwave Watcher's Society: who do these guys think they are?


Frozen pancake cubes: Kevin


August 10, 6:00 p.m. at Ginger & Marty's house

For sale

Miles
Age: 3

He can fly and he's a great listener. Coffee can trained.


$150
Julie 555-3731

TV listings

WGOB TV Sunday lineup


REALITY TV

Mustard Shop - 9:30 p.m.
Shelby is caught bathing in Dijon.

Mitch House - 10:00 p.m.
Mitchell Larson is banned from Mitch Fest '09 after bringing a Carl into the house.


LATE-NIGHT DOUBLE FEATURE- 11:00 p.m.

Remember the Typists

I Know Which Eyebrows You Waxed Last Summer



5:50 a.m. - Proper goldfish disposal with Gene

For sale

Tangerine

* Greenish-yellow, which is a sign of prosperity
* Used in the 2009 film, The Squirting of Harvey Garrison


$7 or best offer
Ron 555-3329

Openings

Manny McDonald's Drive-In Movies
Grand opening!!




August movies

11 1/2 Monkeys
Things We Lost in the Cole Slaw
Natural Born Kilners
Sneeze By Me
Cross-Eyed Camp 3
A Unibrow Story


MM's Drive-In
1850 Tiso Circle, Corcoran City

For sale

Old lawn signs


BEWARE OF DOM
O'SHOOGIE/PEPANO '92
HAPPY EESTER (rare)
CELEBRATE NOSTRIL AWARENESS WEEK, May 7-13
HAPPY EASTER
MORE LAWN IN BACK
NO SYRUP ON PREMISES


$11 each
Jaffey 555-4664