For rent

Magazines

Paper Clip Historian's Monthly (June, 2001; July, 2001)

Brussel Sprout Sports For Kids (April, 1995; November, 1995)
Envelope Trader (September, 2009) 

Pointing At Lettuce (December, 1983)


$2/hour
Brevin 555-4414

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #46
November meeting


On the agenda:

* We do not offer psychiatric evaluations at the drive-thru
* We're turning off the milkshake machine until we find Melanie's tooth
* Please stop accepting fish food as currency


November 12, 1:00 p.m.

For sale

Electric bill

* $53.79 due, $36.44 due immediately
* Envelope sold separately


Trent 555-4120

Help Wanted

WANTED: TROPHY VANDAL




I'm looking for the person(s) that ripped the golden salamander off of my trophy. All that's left is his sneakers.


If you have any information call Rory: 555-3108

Letter from the editor

I'm happy to announce the search for Ronald Wesley has ended: he was underneath the sink. Thank you to those who donated raccoons for the search. Just a reminder, the 2010 Celery Olympics has been moved to November 20, and we've just received a conformation that Ernie and the Unapproachable will be performing the national anthem.


- Derwood Morris

Events

Are you a 'the pizza is half-eaten' type of person?



Sign up for the 1st annual We Can Do This! Festival


Check out one of our self-help seminars:


* This glass is half-dirty

* Q&A with Captain Positive

* I shouldn't have come to this festival


Plus: 2010 Smile Fair


"I'm not sure this is going to work."
- Mitch Hamlin, Kaynesport Post


November 20-21, 2010 - Norris County Fairgrounds

Meetings

Car pool to work
Pre-November 7 meeting


November 6 at 3:00 p.m., back seat of Tom's station wagon

For sale

Office supplies for sale


Notepads
Yellow-lined - 5 for $10
Small, white-lined with unicorn stencils - $1 each
Used notepads - .25 each

Calendars
Three-year organizer (red; missing October, 2013) - $6
Baby Possums wall calendar - $25

Business cards
Blank - 100 for $5
Jim Stanicek, CEO, The Chili Shack - $2


Bobby 555-2323

Services

Bad Habits Boot Camp

Sign up for one of our weekend sessions
* Father/son special-50% off

November 5-7
*November 12-14
November 19-21
*December 3-5
December 10-12


We'll help you break these habits and more!

* Air/steering wheel drumming
* Armpit hair yanking
* Aggressive pant zippering
* Fake sneezing
* Uncle shoving
* Boot camp fleeing


$500 per session
Bad Habits Boot Camp 555-2100

Services

Need mirrors looked into?


Joe Maglio 555-9995

Meetings

Save the Water Fountains - Kaynesport Chapter
November meeting

Items to discuss:

* It has been confirmed: Rodney was hiding under the Helin Morgan Elementary School Hall 7 water fountain
* Our sister organization, Save the Gum in the Water Fountains, has been disbanded


November 4, 9:30 a.m. at headquarters

For sale

Reality TV shows on DVD


* Bowling Wives-The Complete Series
* How Much Change Is In My Couch? - Final Season (w/deleted scenes)
* Worm Shop - Season 1


$8 each
Angela 555-2611

For sale

Used books


Hopscotch Can't Happen Here - Louis Sidney

11 - Sasha Sesperson
To Pocket a Mockingbird - Harriet Vance
Lord of the Sighs - Carter Lindon


$5 each
Vivian  555-7007

Free items

Bus seat


* #17 bus, 14th row aisle seat
* Man next to you is named Seth and will try to sell you one of his socks

Trying to get off at this next stop, so, give me a call


Margaret 555-4911