For sale

Cockroach



- Dead since Friday
- Perfect for gluing to people as a practical joke
- Appeared in the 2009 made-for-TV thriller Cockroach in Coach


$3
Lionel 555-0081

For sale

Old domain names

www.westkaynesporthobos.blogspot.com/rockingkurt
www.derwoodcollege.edu/intercollegiateathletics_firewoodtoss
www.moveiscriptmadness.bcm/sixanchoviesofseparation
www.shaniquasiknow.org/shaniquabradley
www.celebrityforeheadrashes.blogspot.com
www.isthathamsterpoo.com


$8 each
Bobby 555-2323

Personal Ads

MEN SEEKING WOMEN

Looking for a woman who can help me lure a chipmunk out of a laundry hamper. Must have a recognizable odor.

Chet box 70017


Let's make a Darryl sandwich. You bring the yellow mustard and a guy named Darryl, I'll bring the giant rye bread.

Darryl box 68882


WOMEN SEEKING MEN

I need a ride to the nail salon.

Beth box 21121


SWF, age 36. I have my ex-boyfriend's name branded on my right shoulder. His name is Kevin.

Looking for a man named Kevin or Devin.

Samantha box 90606


OTHER

Single, white salt shaker. Empty.

Leroy box 79901

Meetings

Friends of Ernie Plink
Fall meeting


On the agenda:

* Ernie Meet & Greet '10 has been postponed due to the theft of more than two dozen lasagna helmets
* Last week's relay race against the Co-Workers of Ernie Plink: what went wrong
* Who is taking Ernie's caterpillar, Darren to his Insects Anonymous meeting, December 2?


November 24, 1:00 p.m.

Meetings

Beefy's Fast Food Hut - Store #229
Staff meeting


On the agenda:

* Please stop accepting carpet samples with dollar amounts on them as currency
* Raccoon Melt has been taken off the value menu


Novembber 21, 9:30 a.m.

For sale

Cell phone bill

* $167.43 was due by October 7
* Pen (black) to write check free rental with purchase


$140 or best offer
Wayne 555-1746

  

"Isn't it about time you paid this cell phone bill?"

- Wayne

Opportunities

The Leckburg Community Center has several night classes still available.



Pick one that's right for you-


Avoiding Large Trees - 5 seats available
December 3-10; 11-18

* Longtime professor Carl Burkhalter provides the lessons you'll need to stand clear of some of the world's most intimidating trees.


How to Make a Salad - 8 seats available
December 10-17

* Course includes a three-day crouton tutorial.


Reading the Dictionary - 19 seats available
January 2-8, 2011

* This intensive, seven-day course, taught by Dr. Janice Hemphill, explores man's oldest foe. Breakout sessions include:

- When am I going to get to the W's?
- How come no one in the A's will tell me why the zebra did it?

Prerequisite: Opening the Dictionary


Throwing Things at People and Blaming Someone Else - 10 seats available
January 22-24; 27-29

* Part 2 of Professor Tavaris Mitchell's world-renowned course, which includes:

- Throwing popcorn at the movies: they'll never know
- Your little sister did it



Leckburg Community Center - 805 Browning Circle, Plumptin

For sale

T-shirts

* Orange (missing left sleeve)
* Danny and the Uncomfortable-World Tour, 2002
* Flying sticks of butter
* Salad Olympics 1996 (autographed by bronze medalist Ralph Shelley)
* Shoelace Shop 1,000th Customer
* Red w/blue cheese dressing stain


$6 each
Mark 555-8070

For sale

VHS

* My husband Terry's Right Said Fred tribute concert in the bath tub (October, 1994)
* I recorded last Saturday's 6:00 p.m. news


Call for pricing list
Hank 555-4481

TV listings

Check out WDER's new Tuesday lineup!


REALITY TV

Are You Dumber Than Randy? - 8:00 p.m.
Randy puts on his jacket underneath his dress shirt again.

Who Wants To Marry a Possum? - 9:00 p.m.
Andrea has cold feet because her fiance, Pointy, ate her shoes.

Watch Me Eat Thumb Tacks - 10:00 p.m.
Team 6 is disqualified for trying to pass off toothpick pieces as thumb tacks, and after a three-hour session a delirious Jeffrey mistakenly puts a thumb tack in his nose and has to spend a night in the paper shredder.


LATE-NIGHT MOVIE
 

Parakeet At The Plate - 11:00 p.m.



5:45 a.m. - Pointing at Leaves with Steve

Heads for sale

Freezer-wide clearance


1. Left ear bigger than right

2. Tattoos on back of neck: BLESSSED (faded, but still visible); BLESSED
3. Squirrel (3)
4. No eyebrows; bald

$50 each


**November special**

- Body only: 5-7, 137 pounds; brown jacket; no arm hair - $15


Barry 555-4374

House for sale

A fixer-upper to die for. Seriously, the last guy who owned the house died fixing it up.

You won't die though.

* Caterpillar army free with purchase
* Used in the filming of the 2009 film Roof Leak at Tiffany's


$1,400 or best offer
Tiffany  555-3097


Open house: November 13, 1:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.
410 Lentock Avenue, Kaynesport

For sale

Softball glove



* Responsible for Plumptin County 35-over league-record 7 errors in one inning (May, 2005)
* Chocolate syrup stains included with purchase
* Appeared in the 2008 film Field of Hakeems


$16
Eric 555-6833

For sale

1/2 bag of potato chips

* Penguin Chips-brand™
* Several finger nail pieces free with purchase


$3
Bobby 555-2323