Handy man for hire
I can handle a wide variety of odd jobs, including:
* Directions to your mailbox
* Introducing crayons to other crayons
* Giving your toothbrush the right name
* "I can fit an an entire cantaloupe in my mouth"
* Leaf eating contest judge
* Gluing things to infants
Call for rates and availability
Patrice 555-4004
August 8, 2011
August 7, 2011
Meetings
Plumptin Pythons semi pro football
Pre-season team meeting
On the agenda:
* A nose tackle does not tackle people and pick their noses, despite what former coach Ron Jackson may have said
* Why only in practice do we get three points for throwing the ball between the uprights
August 8, 2:00 p.m. at the field house
Pre-season team meeting
On the agenda:
* A nose tackle does not tackle people and pick their noses, despite what former coach Ron Jackson may have said
* Why only in practice do we get three points for throwing the ball between the uprights
August 8, 2:00 p.m. at the field house
August 6, 2011
For sale
$10 bill
* Received in change at Beefy's Fast Food Hut, Store #117 (August 4)
* According to legend, once belonged to Lyle Vernon lookalike Kyle Ferman
* Free counterfeit $10 bill with purchase
$20 or best offer
Zach 555-3491
* Received in change at Beefy's Fast Food Hut, Store #117 (August 4)
* According to legend, once belonged to Lyle Vernon lookalike Kyle Ferman
* Free counterfeit $10 bill with purchase
$20 or best offer
Zach 555-3491
August 5, 2011
Meetings
Jelsen's Used Cars
Sales staff meeting
Items to discuss:
* The customers are not allowed to buy just the bumper
* Please stop accepting band aids with dollar amounts written on them as currency
* The steering wheel is not optional
August 7, 11:00 a.m.
Sales staff meeting
Items to discuss:
* The customers are not allowed to buy just the bumper
* Please stop accepting band aids with dollar amounts written on them as currency
* The steering wheel is not optional
August 7, 11:00 a.m.
August 4, 2011
Announcements
Drunville Blastos Baseball
Additions to 2011 promotional calendar
August 21 - Toss Apricots into the Bullpen Night
August 30 - Bring Your Ostrich to the Ballpark
September 12 - Stapler Day
September 13 - Pick on the Owner's Son
September 26 - Peanut Shell Night
Call 555-DRUN for tickets
Additions to 2011 promotional calendar
August 21 - Toss Apricots into the Bullpen Night
August 30 - Bring Your Ostrich to the Ballpark
September 12 - Stapler Day
September 13 - Pick on the Owner's Son
September 26 - Peanut Shell Night
Call 555-DRUN for tickets
August 3, 2011
Services
Furm, Ledner & Kappola
Law Offices
"Putting the 'aw' and 'fic' back in 'law offices' since 1996."
Specializing in:
* Anthillnapping
* Following too closely to a pigeon while juggling bars of soap
* Impersonating a police radar detector
* S.U.I. (Shlubbering under the influence)
* Receiving stolen eggplant
* Shouting profanity at a box of cereal while wearing a kangaroo costume
Call for rates and availability
555-0018
Law Offices
"Putting the 'aw' and 'fic' back in 'law offices' since 1996."
Specializing in:
* Anthillnapping
* Following too closely to a pigeon while juggling bars of soap
* Impersonating a police radar detector
* S.U.I. (Shlubbering under the influence)
* Receiving stolen eggplant
* Shouting profanity at a box of cereal while wearing a kangaroo costume
Call for rates and availability
555-0018
August 2, 2011
Announcements
Kaynesport Hippos 35-under fall baseball
Final roster is set
* Returning player
1. Solomon Beverly
2. Johnny Puddles*
3. Oscar Phillipe
4. Kenny Rico
5. Jasper Kuddy
6. Morris Felix*
7. Ernie Christmas*
8. Mookie Paddock Jr.
9. Jesper Kuddy
10. Dane Cornish*
11. E.B. Shuck*
12. Peanuts Martinez*
13. Noodles Corcoran
First practice: August 5, 1:00 p.m. at field 6
Final roster is set
* Returning player
1. Solomon Beverly
2. Johnny Puddles*
3. Oscar Phillipe
4. Kenny Rico
5. Jasper Kuddy
6. Morris Felix*
7. Ernie Christmas*
8. Mookie Paddock Jr.
9. Jesper Kuddy
10. Dane Cornish*
11. E.B. Shuck*
12. Peanuts Martinez*
13. Noodles Corcoran
First practice: August 5, 1:00 p.m. at field 6
August 1, 2011
Services
Nick Bergeron
Psychiatrist for hire
* Embellishing janitorial work
* Fear of exploding arm pits
* Shampoo bottle tattoo regret
* Excessive air trumpeting
* Hoarding tape dispensers
* Fear of drawings of snakes
Call for hourly rates
555-1316
Psychiatrist for hire
* Embellishing janitorial work
* Fear of exploding arm pits
* Shampoo bottle tattoo regret
* Excessive air trumpeting
* Hoarding tape dispensers
* Fear of drawings of snakes
Call for hourly rates
555-1316
July 31, 2011
For sale
VHS
Sports videos
* Basketball's Greatest Tip-Offs
* 1994 World Series of Pointing: Official Video
Concerts
* Peggy Cliff: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like January (Live at Kaphauf Amphitheater, 12/18/97)
* Ernie & Julio Sing the Newspaper Police Blotter (Live at Freddy's Burger Shack, 4/5/1987)
Call for pricing list
Angela 555-2611
Sports videos
* Basketball's Greatest Tip-Offs
* 1994 World Series of Pointing: Official Video
Concerts
* Peggy Cliff: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like January (Live at Kaphauf Amphitheater, 12/18/97)
* Ernie & Julio Sing the Newspaper Police Blotter (Live at Freddy's Burger Shack, 4/5/1987)
Call for pricing list
Angela 555-2611
July 30, 2011
Meetings
A4 Cab Service
Driver's meeting
On the agenda:
* What not to sell out of the window at stoplights
* A dead goldfish is not an air freshener
August 1, 1:00 p.m.
Driver's meeting
On the agenda:
* What not to sell out of the window at stoplights
* A dead goldfish is not an air freshener
August 1, 1:00 p.m.
July 29, 2011
Announcements
Glub County Wildcats youth baseball
Team banquet update
Awards to be given out:
- Worst swing
- Infield fall down award
- Most awkward older sister
- Worst breath (Division 1 & Division II levels)
Items added to silent auction:
- Coach Martin's uneaten ham sandwich from April 16 rain delay
- Baseball autographed by Ben's grandpa, Lewis
- Set of 25 sunflower seed shell pieces (*rare*)
Banquet: July 30, 7:00 p.m. at Old Delwood Ballroom, Kaynesport
Team banquet update
Awards to be given out:
- Worst swing
- Infield fall down award
- Most awkward older sister
- Worst breath (Division 1 & Division II levels)
Items added to silent auction:
- Coach Martin's uneaten ham sandwich from April 16 rain delay
- Baseball autographed by Ben's grandpa, Lewis
- Set of 25 sunflower seed shell pieces (*rare*)
Banquet: July 30, 7:00 p.m. at Old Delwood Ballroom, Kaynesport
July 28, 2011
Meetings
Soup Palace - Store #39
Staff meeting
Item on the agenda:
* Customers are not allowed to pay by the noodle
Training video - July 31 right before open
Staff meeting
Item on the agenda:
* Customers are not allowed to pay by the noodle
Training video - July 31 right before open
July 27, 2011
For sale
Tree branches
* Over 300 available in all shapes and sizes
* Buy five branches get one leaf free (limited time)
Call for pricing list
Dale 555-0440
* Over 300 available in all shapes and sizes
* Buy five branches get one leaf free (limited time)
Call for pricing list
Dale 555-0440
July 26, 2011
Announcements
The Plumptin 35+ fall baseball team has been selected!
Final cut list:
* returning player
1. *Wilson Fu
2. A. Elijah Baines
3. *Peeps Rafeky
4. *Daylight Bittinger
5. Niles Andujar
6. *Weston Fu
7. Ronaldo Salazar
8. Chin Charles
9. *Morris Rainbow
10. Rooster Shane
11. *Peakis Fishbine
12. Don Darlington
*Yoyo Salazar
First practice: September 5, 6:00 p.m. at field 9
Final cut list:
* returning player
1. *Wilson Fu
2. A. Elijah Baines
3. *Peeps Rafeky
4. *Daylight Bittinger
5. Niles Andujar
6. *Weston Fu
7. Ronaldo Salazar
8. Chin Charles
9. *Morris Rainbow
10. Rooster Shane
11. *Peakis Fishbine
12. Don Darlington
13. Wiley-Joe Andujar
14. Zeke Keppich
14. Zeke Keppich
player-manager:
*Yoyo Salazar
First practice: September 5, 6:00 p.m. at field 9
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