For sale

Mortgage

- $28,000 left to pay
- Papers come in near-mint condition white envelope
- Free piece of driveway with purchase


Chuck & Valerie 555-3381

For sale

VHS movies

* Retail Salesman Of The Rings
* Honey, I Stapled Toll Booth Receipts To The Kids

Documentaries:

* When Is It Going To Be 4:15 p.m.?
* Phoning Carl Peavy


$3.50 each
Marc  555-2222

Services

Need a dishwasher/microwave opened?


Joe Maglio  555-9995

For rent

Ant hill

* Plenty of ants free with rental agreement
* Close proximity to the sidewalk


$7/half hour
Trevon  555-2881

For sale

Piece of broccoli

$2 or best offer
Calvin  555-0022

** Hurry, Larry is interested **

Meetings

Posted meetings at Kaynesport Hall
Week of January 27

Save The Pistachios - West Plumptin Chapter
* January's Lost Shells: A Remembrance. January 27, 1:30 p.m.

Mashed Potato War Recreation Society
* January 28 rehearsal moved to 5:30 p.m.

First-ever ice cube wedding
* Rehearsal dinner: January 30, 6:00 p.m. at the 4th floor kitchen's freezer

The People On Andrea Fleming's Stairs
* How do we get back underneath the stairs? January 31, 1:00 p.m. on stair 11 & 12

S.O.S.L. (Separation of Sawdust & Lasagna)
 * Winter meeting February 1 at 2:00 p.m.


To post a meeting call 555-4401

For sale

Fire hydrant

* Silver
* Mud included with purchase
* Used in the filming of the hit reality TV show Who Won't Catch Fire?!


$35
Frank  555-4499

** Must provide own water **

Services

Wool scouring pad taste-tester for hire


Call for rates and availability
Roger  555-0330

Missing

Pelican

* Perry
* Last seen on Monday on Pier 6, finishing an anchovy


Kaye & Ess  555-3993

For sale

Front lawn

* Close proximity to the driveway
* Appeared in the reality TV show Who Won't Get Run Over By A Lawnmower?!


$450 for entire lawn
Tiffany  555-2866

Meetings

Migliaccio's Italian Restaurant
Staff meeting

On the agenda:

* At the end of the birthday song, we do not repeat the phrase "worst day of the year"
* Put on your apron after your work shirt and vest
* Putting to-go food in customer's pants pockets was not on the training video

January 23, 10:00 a.m.

Public Service Announcement

Don't let this happen to your apple.

Call P.E.T.F.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Fruit  555-6466

Services

Need someone to hold the tissue while you blow your nose?

$2/tissue for adults
$4/tissue for children 12-under


Joe Maglio  555-9995

For sale

Reality TV on DVD

* Highway On-Ramp: Confidential
* Who Wants to Glue Things to a Millionaire? - Season 5
* Toll Plaza: Phoenix
* Where's My Vacuum Cleaner?! - season 1


$8 each
Miranda 555-7551